En-her-gy

Geeky friction

2009-11-14T09:23:00.000-08:00

My young son was doing sack races on our hardwood floors this morning, using our soft, fuzzy flannel pillow cases as the sack.

You can probably guess what happened next.

My young son crashed into the hardwood floor, yelling that "Ow!" that parents for blocks can hear. My older son ran to him and scooped him up in his arms.

"Oh no, you fell? Your coefficient of friction was too low... (I didn't hear the next part because I was processing the sentence)... You know your friction would be larger if your mass was larger... (young son is quite skinny)."

Young son snuggles in deeply into old son's arm, feeling comforted. Between sniffles he mutters, "I didn't (sniff) have enough friction (sniff)."

I leave the two sons to talk for a minute and as I walk away I hear, "You know, normal force equals mg. You were standing up; you weren't sticking to the side of the wall." They laugh, sharing their secret geeky jokes as they ease the pain.

Speed Tolerance

2009-10-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

Everybody lives at their own speed.

Some need a month to prep for a doctor's visit and if they need it in the next week, they are panicked.

Some do rapid scheduling and don't need notice.

I am thinking that a lot of conflicts arise when people working at different speeds can't adjust to the other.

Hum.

I think I know where I am on the spectrum. I found out on Friday that I need to leave for Taipei on Monday. This is typical. This is actually considered "advance notice". The various obligations for next week can be canceled without me stressing over scheduling issues.

I'm loving it. I like this speed. It matches my insides. I am so glad I am surrounded (mostly) by people who can support me and my fam!

Failure

2009-10-14T22:19:00.001-07:00

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/posters/af7a/zoom/

Chatter after school:

Child: "I made so many mistakes today!"

Parent: "Did you learn from them?"

Child: "Lots!"

Parent: "Cool!"

Yes, this is backpatting. Someone has got to pat it from time to time!

We Will, We Will Rock You

2009-10-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

My high school was:

* boring

* cliquish
and
* under-achieving.

The bar was set so very low.

So, at 15 yo, I took off overseas in search of a better high school education. I got it. But I didn't want my own kids to *leave the country* in order to access an experience that would challenge them in their teen years.

Vee & Keee are getting such a bizarrely rich education. Their math teacher is an MIT grad, ran the Dept of Health in two states, eep, and five years into retirement, Berkeley High called him and asked, "School starts in five days. Can you teach our Calculus class?"

Cool thing about this type of hiring -- the teacher has got nothing to lose. He his only concern is the kids. He doesn't really care if he keeps his job, but he does care if he gets through to the kids and leaves a legacy of knowledge and striving for excellence (and a lot of math-jokes goofing-off).

Other teachers are straight out of their masters program. Many from overseas. All, or at least all I have seen, have a deep motivation to teach -- forget the system and its requirements (or be so young you don't know it yet). Clear sitght -- do these kids know how to write? Can they speak extemporanesouly? Do they still have that spark of curiousity? If not, how do I respark it? Can they study hard? Can they push past that point of resistance? If so (who cares why) how can I help them build that muscle? What crazy thing can I do in class to get the ones who have been deadened to wake up?

Stand on the desks?

Attack the first student with a cell phone that rings?

Break into classrooms randomly and sing the periodic table?

Give the kids X-box remotes to take a group test with?

Yes, there are some weird teachers who do crazy things to wake up the kids.

If you ever want to see that the teenage years can be full of searching-for-knowledge (instead of what people normally say the teenage years are full of) then come with me to Berkeley High's Open House next year.

It's rough around the edges. Most definitely.

But that's how things get sharp.

What I want for Christmas

2009-10-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

What I want *every day* for my kids is a good school, a real education, an engaging and invigorating environment that enriches their natural talents and encourages them to build new talent. Right?

Here are a few random points from what Aee's teacher talked about at Back-to-School Night:

* It took her no longer than three minutes to get to the part about "differentiating instruction for each child". Usually it takes teachers longer than that. If they get there at all. Differentiating instruction is difficult in any situation other than one-on-one tutoring.

* I have never heard "differentiating talk before, but it is usually in a flufy way. I hadn't heard someone speakd so specifically. She said she differentiates for *every* child. I'll have to see this to believe it. For now, I know that she's giving Aee appropriate reading (big delicious-looking chapter books!), spelling (big tough-looking words), math (exercises that are right up her alley) and other work that seems to fit her wonderfully. Her work is different from her peers. There's a chance that each child's work is different from the other. We'll see more as the year goes on.

I always suspected it was possible to fully differentiate a classroom, but the closest I have ever seen is teachers putting children on 'tracks" or in "groups" or otherwise segrating groups of kids who fit into a close-enough-to-this-peer category.

Yesterday when I came to pick the kids up from their afterschool program, I saw Aee and her teacher sitting on one of the picnic benches outside, under the trees which were blowing a bit in the wind. Aee was doing a reading test, smiling (at the book, not at me). When the teacher and Anna saw me, they both said, "Aw, we're not ready yet!" The teacher asked if I could come back in a little bit.

It was 4:40 pm.

My comment was, "Are you doing testing outside of school hours so that you can generally improve the quality of instrution during regular classtime?"

She smiled and turned back to the test.

Sweet!

Sleep

2009-09-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight, at 10:01 pm, my son said, "I'm going to go comatose now and hallucinate vividly, then maybe in the morning I will have amnesia about those hallucinations. See ya."

Translated: "I'm going to bed now. See ya."

Ha.

Sigh of relief

2009-09-10T22:01:00.000-07:00

Every parent of a teenager dreads the day when they find something in their teenager's room or in their pants pocket while doing the wash.

As I was doing laundry today, I noticed a bump in my son's cargo pants side pocket. I cringed.

You can imagine my relief when I pulled out...

a mouse pad.

Whew.

Better Be Ready

2009-09-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

This summer has been absolutely amazing, bouncing from one trip to the next, whirling through so many potentially joyous situations.

We got back from NZ and a week later we were headed off to Paris. Sweet!

We're home now and the next trip on the calendar is Ohio. Every time I see that on the calendar I tilt my head and think, "Ohio? I don't know how to react to that."

We'll see!

Extremes

2009-07-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

I love this -- in the last few days I have packed a full set of suitcases for:

* hot California summer
and
* snowy NZ winter

and there wasn't a single item of overlap so I could pack the suitcases and let them sit at the front door waiting.

Like big wrapped presents.

Without bows.

Even better.

See, I don't like vacations for the act of vacationing, as dictionary.com says, "a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest." Vacations seem to indicate a dislike of the regular day-to-day lives and a desire to get away, escape the grind. While I admit this last year has been the most difficult of my life (by a long shot) I don't view vacations as the stereotypical get-away.

I remember when we lived in suburbia and everyone was taking off on their summer / winter vacations and I thought, "Wow, only a few weeks a year is 'the good life'. Eeep." It seemed more valuable to invest in making every day fulfilling so that the craving to disappear on vacation, to suspend that work, is not what drives you the other 350-ish days of the year.

So, I try (although not all that successfully) to build an everyday life that is fulfilling enough so that "vacations" can be used for another purpose.

Care to guess what?

What else could a vacation be? Other than relaxation?

Think back to when you were five... Exploration! Discovery! Feeling the texture of the earth in a new place, new playground. Wondering at the new sky, letting that sense of awe wash over you as you relished your power to navigate the world.

For me, a trip feels more like the first time I walked on two legs. It's an amazing feeling. It's more of a study, a turning on of a switch, not the turning off that the word "vacation" implies.

Now, that does sound hokey, I'm sure, but it is wonderfully true. I love "vacations". I just wish they didn't have such a Lazy Joe name to them.. "Vacations" sound boring. What about "explorations" or "bouncing arounds"?

Or maybe I should just get back to prepping the house for my absence. 1/2 the family is staying home, so it's not a big deal, but still. I love leaving things clean. I don't care what it looks like when I get back, just as long as I can walk out the front door with the sight of a clean home as that last visual impression stored in memory.

Rollercoasters

2009-07-18T22:21:00.000-07:00

At 10am this morning: "I did it! I got the plane tix to AU and NZ!"

10am to 10pm: So psyched, finally going.

10pm: Travelocity calls, the tix didn't go through. Airline canceled one segment of an eight leg trip and the whole trip collapses. Doh.

10:30pm: Rebooked, leaving in about 48 hrs. Psyched again!

Feels a bit like a rollercoaster.

Ironically, my beloved and three of the kids are in Santa Cruz this weekend riding actual rollercoasters.

Unplugging

2009-07-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

I love the other side of the tech curve. It used to be, "How can tech improve my life?" and now it's "Do I really need all this tech?"

Every new device I pass through this test:

* Do I need it?

* Do I want it?

* Do I love it?

If it fails any one of those three tests, the device sees the inside of the donation box.

The evolution of what-we-want

2009-07-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

See if you can follow this train of logic:

I hurt my foot --> foot in soft cast for a week

Soft cast --> go to Disneyland (wheelchair = front of line)

Announce Disneyland --> kids happy bouncy --> bags packed by Sunday afternoon

Sunday night I view Consuming Kids with friends --> I no longer want to take my kids to Disneyland

I remember my own experience with Disneyland, "Why do people put on big costumes in this heat?" --> I look for an alternative

Since I haven't won any bid on Priceline in ages, I take a Hail Mary bid on a very expensive, very nice hotel in Monterey Bay --> the bid goes through --> I say, "Eep!"

I pack up the kids and head off to Monterey for the week, thoroughly enjoying the trip and all the side-trips. I had no idea Monterey had so much to offer.

We came back tanned, relaxed, and most of all, with a stronger sibling bond.

We also came back only three minutes before Vee and Eee needed the car. (We are a one car family.) Cutting it close, for sure.

My favorite comment from Aee as she swam in the big circular pool at the hotel, face up to the sky, "I'm so glad I'm feeling the sun instead of in a shop collecting things. I love you Mom."

Light-footed

2009-07-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

It may look like I am constantly changing plans... and some people consider that a bad thing.

Someone recently said, "Oh, you're just light-footed."

I like that view so very much. Thank you.

Foiled again!

2009-07-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

Confirmed -- the NZ rental agency won't take my temporary USA license. It isn't valid enough.

So, what to do while waiting around for 10 days for the little piece of plastic to arrive?

Hum...

Top items off the top of my head:

* Explore half-moon bay for a week -- too expensive, hotels are 250-500/night there. Even if we drive every day there & back, the gas is considerable, more than an RV in NZ would cost in our little jaunts...

* Do a tour of bay area museums again, could be fun.

* Grab some $60 tix to LA, stay with friends and go to Disneyland for a week. Possible, but Jee & Aee hate crowds and heat even more than I do.

* Enroll them in camps. Too expensive!

* Hire The Most Awesome Babysitters (who are not related to us) to watch the wee ones for 1/2 days, just enough so that the day balances out. Jee and Aee get four hours of non-stop board game time while I work, then they play at the shop while I work. Then we all breath a deep sigh and play together a bit.

Sounds good, but this is what we have been doing for the last two weeks. Plus, The Most Awesome Babysitter team is out of town.

Harumpf.

Those $300-something tickets to Spain are looking better every day.

Excuses, Excuses

2009-07-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit like Sisyphus, pushing a rock, pushing a rock, but never getting anywhere. I am trying to leave. The kids are beyond psyched. Everyone is ready, but...

Every day some new monster rears its head.

Last Monday it was a slipped something in my back. Fixed.

On Tuesday it was a work thing that needed an immediate solution or I couldn't leave town. Mostly fixed.

On Wednesday it was my foot. It feels like it's broken. I can barely walk. Horrid shooting pains.

Today it was the expired driver's license. New one will get here in 10 days.

Is someone trying to tell me something? Because the next step would be a brain tumor or a car accident. Eep.

HUGE amount of luck

2009-07-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

Imagine this: You book tickets for yourself and your children to fly half way around the world. You are beyond-ready to rent that sweet little RV so you and your little ones can travel up and down the coast.

You get to the checkout counter to fill out all the RV forms and the clerk says in that fantastic New Zealand accent: "Matie, you can't rent. Your driver's license is expired."

You know what happens when you are in a foreign country and need US approval for visa, dls, this sort of thing? You have to *go home* to get it done.

Did I just narrowly escape a huge mistake?

On my way to the DMV now...

My favorite moment of the day

2009-07-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

Seeing my teenage son take control of his life, ground his career, and work with a new colleague.

This is nothing so fulfilling as knowing that your kids are going to be OK.

Time and a Half?

2009-07-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

When you work overtime on holidays, weekends, during the birth of your son, days when everyone else is on vacation... aren't you supposed to get time and a half?

My beloved just worked two weeks straight of 18 to 20 hour days, non-stop, around the clock, quick naps and short nights. He worked through one weekend, then worked again through the next -- the 4th of July.

What does he get for around-the-clock devotion?

Time and a half?

Nah. How about the new company rule that went into effect while he was gone: "One comp day for every two weekend days / holiday days worked."

What's that? Half time?

Invest 2, get 1 in return...

Yikes, how motivating!

Looking for a school

2009-07-05T23:42:00.001-07:00

NZ is in school while we are on summer break (and they are on summer break while we are in school).

So, I am looking for a school for Jee & Aee to go to for a few weeks so I can work a bit while we are in NZ.

Finding a good school when you have a whole country to choose from helps you outline what educational atmosphere you want.

The top three things I treasure in my kid's school experience:

1. Diversity on all levels (financial, physical, intellectual, etc)

2. Acceptance verbiage rather than rejection verbiage. The school's website, usually approved by the principal is a fairly good indication of how the school is run. Ex: "We accept and appreciate..." rather than "We have a no tolerance policy towards..." While I believe strict rules are vital, schools who focus on the positive usually engender the positive, so...

3. Strong academics since my geeky little kids like studying. They get it from both sides of the family. I have such fond memories of sitting at the dinner table doing workbook pages because I liked to do schoolwork. There's something wonderful about a fresh sheet of problems and a pencil that you need to sharpen again and again. Thrill!

Why are diversity and acceptance are first on my list? As a trained teacher, you would think I would have something more concrete on my list. Instead I have the warm-fuzzies of peace, love and happiness.

Here's why... When you have kids you want them to be friends, right? You want sibling rivalry to be at a minimum, right?

Because, after all, what parent actually enjoys hearing: "She looked at me funny!" and "He touched the leaf that I was thinking of picking up!"

When the teacher at school is spending six to eight hours a day working on kindness, enlarging their hearts and minds, training them to naturally assume good intent, it makes my job easier. Haven't I heard too many times from my kids and others, "But he did it on purpose!" countered by, "It was an accident!" Let's rewrite that script.

It seems that the neural pathways need to be trained to assume good intent, at least during the playground years. I haven't heard too many kids on the playground, when bonked by an errant basketball say, "It's ok, I know you didn't mean to toss it over here." Instead you hear, "Hey!..." followed by words I would rather not record.

Anyway, my criteria is based on recognizing that I don't have enough energy or power to teach my kids this particular lesson sufficiently. I need the bolstering of a wide support network to get this message across. When supported by a wide net, my kids know that it is a societal norm, not just something their mom wants them to do.

So far, I have found nearly every NZ school has a message like the Kawakawa school has (note that the language is Maori, a lot like Hawaiin):

Motto: "Kai U Ki Te Pai:" Uphold that which is good

Aroha: Love

Awhina: Help

Atawhai: Care

Manaaki: To help, love and care for one another.

Now, doesn't that sound like something you want in your house at 6:15 every night while you're making dinner?

Bliss.

How to enrol in NZ schools

2009-07-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I sent out 20+ queries to state schools (one type of public school) up and down NZ. I got the first reply back. Woot! The schools must be sanctioned through the gov't. There's a tuition we pay per week but it's quite reasonable. I would prefer a school w/o uniforms. There are several types of public schools in NZ / AU, but the state schools are 85% of the enrolments. "Enrol" has only one "l" in their spelling and it drives me nuts. I want to scratch a second "l" onto the computer screen... my finger is itching... scratch just one more "l"...

But I will resist and wait for replies from the other 20-something schools.

I picked schools I liked in random locations that seem like fun villages to stay in for a few weeks.

I have no idea what I'm getting myself (and the kids) into.

Are we there yet?

2009-07-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

To answer many questions at once:

Q - Why haven't you left yet?

A - Because my husband has been out of town the last two weeks. It was unexpected and unwelcome, but it all worked out for the best.

Q - Are you still going?

A - Yes! I loaded "The Hobbit" onto my son's iPod and we'll be listening to it as we travel up and down the wintery NZ coast. Could anything be more delicious? We love audiobooks and this one has particularly good voice talent.

Q - What day are you leaving?

A - Tomorrow, next week, I don't know. I like doing the last minute tickets on various sites. I have Scottish blood in me veins and I enjoy getting a really good price on the tix. The bags are mostly packed and the next day tix are often the best deals.

Q - Who are you taking?

A - Just the wee ones. The big ones will stay home to work and enjoy their summer. I consider myself quite lucky to have this flexibility.

Q - So, this is just a vacation?

A - (Visible bristling) Actually, it is a working vacation.

Q - Define "work"?

A - It depends. I'm working on parenting healthy kids who know that the world is theirs to navigate. I'm working on writing a few kids books with strong female leads - the Maori culture in NZ infused some ticklishly fun names of streets and locations. I think just being there will be enough inspiration to finally get me to explore this genre (children's fiction) better. I am also working on official company business, but that will only be a minor part of it.

I am not a patient type and the last few weeks have been excruiatingly long. Sigh. It will make it all the more enjoyable.

Sweetness

2009-06-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

Over the last three days I have worked so hard... Friday was a 16 hr non-stop workday. I got a few hours at the beginning and at the end to do other work, but wow, 16 hrs is brutal. My husband can do it (and more), but I am not accustomed to it.

So, when today, Sunday, rolled around I did something completely uncharacteristic.

I relaxed.

Like I'm supposed to on Sundays.

It felt *great*! I got sweet relaxing time with my kids and kitties and it was guilt-free! I was not supposed to be doing anything else! (like cleaning, working, or managing)

The kids really noticed it. Big Vee kept saying, "Mom, what's wrong? Are you OK?" I reassured him that I was perfectly fine, better than fine. I was tired and ready to take full advantage of the awesomeness that is Sunday.

I hope you had a great one too. =)

5 beauties in the day

2009-06-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

1. Flowers that smell so sweet you can smell them for a full 10 paces as you walk past.

2. Children who play together cooperatively, making up funny little games.

3. Orange lentils.

4. Fresh pears that drip, but you have enough time to eat them slowly so you catch every single little drop.

5. Friends who put their arms around you easily and often.

Timing

2009-06-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to feel unloved.

A few too many, "Haven't you left yet?" and "When are you leaving?"

Sorry, but you are going to have to put up with me for a few more weeks.

I have a few work obligations to wrap up first.

I need to get good hiking boots for Jee and Aee.

I need to get Jee a few more warm sweaters.

Other than those three things, we're ready to go.

I've been known to pack for long trips in under an hour, so let's hope this one will go as smoothly.

We are so enraptured by the thought of flying off into the blue yonder. When Jee talks about the penguins and the landscape I can see his heart thrilling to the adventure.

We read the Tolkien Bestiary tonight. Well, we didn't read it; we looked at all the pictures.

Jee is starting to see that there is a fine line between imagination and reality. He asked questions like, "Did Tolkien just imagine those things or did he dream them?" To which I answered, "Is there a difference? Don't those ideas come from the same source?" He seemed to have some lingering notion that dreams are shared experiences, influenced by others more than our imaginings. Hum. He said he wants to pay attention to his dreams because they will "help me weave stories better."

Let's hope New Zealand sparks some wonderful things in this budding eight-year old writer.

To ground this in reality: Today, when Jee was having his writing time, he "ran out of ideas to write on the paper", so he started writing on his cheek. For the entire day, as we went around town on errands, he had a chunk of text on his cheek. People were trying to read it.

To one guy I almost said (but didn't), "Please stop reading my son."

I had Jee take a good, long shower tonight. The words are now a marbleized brown and blue swirl on his cheek. It appears that his cheek is bruised horribly.

Doh.

No, I haven't left yet.

Decided.

2009-06-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

Three words to sum up that last three months:

Massive decision overload.

So, it is with gratitude and solemnity that I announce one decision. Just one. That's enough for now.

For the summer, me and the two little ones will be traveling the coast of New Zealand in this funmobile.

The route is mostly along the coastline, but that's sortof how NZ is shaped anyway.

We will be stopping by the WWOF farms helping care for creatures like this.

We hope to see at least one good storm. (That one is a must-see.)

The purpose?

1. Jee has been learning about penguins this year in his super-awesome-teacher's class. His teacher did such an amazing job of exploring penguins that Jee says, "I want to see them in their natural habitat. I must. Please, can we go now?"

2. The two little 'uns need to learn to rely on each other and there's nothing like a good, long camping trip to figure these sorts of things out.

3. It costs more to stay in the bay area. Traveling around NZ is actually a cost-cutting alternative, yet it carries a huge educational benefit.

4. I need some Eat, Pray, Love time. It'll be more like Write, Snuggle, Think time, but whatever.

My favorite upcoming moment will be all three of us sitting in the back of the RV knitting with some truly awesome New Zealand yarns while listening to the pitter patter of that awesome NZ rain.

Follow the clues...

2009-04-16T00:14:00.000-07:00

I have been gone for the last few days on a trip to Asia and back. Everything went smoothly and I was so happy to be home! But when I walked in the door I smelled something odd.

It was a food-type smell, but didn't smell like anything my kids normally cook. It also smelled a bit, oh, how shall I say it?

Bad.

So, I snooped around a bit while unpacking, cleaning, and playing with the kids.

Apparently, the kids had gone to an Easter Egg hunt while I was gone and the organizers had distributed *real eggs* for treats.

Me thinks the organizers might not have children of their own.

This is not something you distribute to children.

Children hide their presents, tucking them away in super secret spots because it's fun to hide special things in super secret spots.

I think I have collected all the spoiling eggs and thrown away the containers and linens they were tucked away in for several days.

The eggs were dyed so beautifully and were turning even more beautiful colors as they sat in their various containers squashed with egg guts oozing, squishing, smooshing out of their shells.

It was so funny. We all had a good giggle over it.

Two insights for today

2009-03-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I got to spend a good, solid, healthy hour with friends at a party. Fun! There were so many women there that I admire and who have qualities that I am trying to incorporate into my own life. There were two things I noticed in a bit of an Ah-ha moment.

I noticed that:
1. The happiest women are the ones who are overflowing with gratitude.
2. They tend to talk about what they have done, not so much what they are only planning to do.

So, I went back over the last page of two of my blog and noticed I needed to change a few things! I wiped out some of the ickies and toned it down a bit. A bit of revisionist history in the works...

And here's today's baby step effort to get closer to the new-ish qualities I aspire to incorporate:

I am grateful for:
* Children who go to bed easily and gently. They flutter their eyelids closed and fall asleep. Easy as that. I am so lucky.
* Ripe, bursting-with-vitamins vegetables on my plate.
* The sunshine that gave me a bit of a pink kiss today as I spent quite a bit of time outside talking with a friend.

What I have done, completed, fini that I am proud of:
* I got to whip parts of the house into shape over this last week, chucking a bunch of old media in various forms.
* I contacted some of my old friends from my growing up years, and WOW is it ever intriguing to see where everyone is now in their lives.
* The kids and I have done so many fun things this week, too many to list, but we're having fun enjoying all the goodness that is at our feet in this wildly vibrant part of the world.

Ow, ow, ow

2009-03-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

I got to go to the Y today to try a new class. It was awesome! In the most grueling sort of way.

Total Body Challenge is possibly one of the hardest workouts I have ever done, but it really helped me see how far I have to go. No getting lazy now.

I'm feeling the muscles I forgot I had. Yeah! I knew they were in there somewhere...

Bugs, germs, and generational shift

2009-03-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

As a kid I remember that I loved sick days at home with mom. I would pile up a few stacks of books and twenty of more stuffed animals around myself in bed or on the couch and I would read andrest.

Now, my own kids are home for a day and what is it like?

They want to go to school.

I love that they love their school so much. More than once they have pushed ahead through the morning, dragging themselves to school because they didn't want to miss out. I am so grateful they are having a good experience.

The Big Summer Question

2009-02-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

The sign of a good summer (IMO) is having a clear answer to the question: "What did you do this summer?"

When the summer is a mish-mash, you give a wishy-washy answer. When the summer is memorable and unique it has a clarity to it -- you give a clear answer.

Last summer turned out to be a mish-mash. It was *almost* a clear summer... Vee and Kee got jobs in New Zealand, but we couldn't get the work visas in time so we ended up spending the summer in the bay area with the kids going to camps and me doing the same-old, same-old, all of us doing fun (but random) activities.

I do not want to do another mish-mashy summer.

So, on a purely analytical level, basing decision on cost (since cost drives the decision), here's what we spent last year:

Summer = 10 weeks long
Camp = $250-400 per week, average $325 per week x2 for both kids
Total summer camp cost = $6,500
Weekends usually end up being something special, going horseback riding, tickets to museums and movies... I don't think we have gotten out of a summer weekend for less than $100
Weekend costs x10 weekends = $1,000
Total summer cost $7,500

Aee and I were playing with the numbers yesterday and found out that:
Tickets to Barcelona, Spain = $420 per person round trip
Total plane tix = $1,260
Rent a villa on the beach $170/wk = $1,700
Miscellaneous touristy costs at $100/wk = $1,000
Total summer cost = $3,960

Wow.

Could it possibly be cheaper to spend the summer lounging on the beach in Barcelona than hanging at home? Nearly half the cost?

Hum.

What am I missing?

Here are a few other budgetary factoids:

* Food -- You would think that eating overseas would be a huge line on the budget, but my kids eat light and like to eat in whenever possible. On previous long trips, our food costs have either broken even or been less than if we had stayed home as long as the hotel / villa / flat / apt has a stove.

* Car -- We would have to rent in an area with a bus line or have everything within walking distance. The kiddos are now strong enough to walk nearly everywhere. As long as we're not in a too-terribly isolated place, we can get by without a car. A rare taxi ride is ok. It would probably still be cheaper than the gas we would use at home on "as usual" gas use.

* Work -- My work allows me to go on autopilot, committing about an hour a day to the daily grind then I am available for other things (such as beach time). If I was on the beach in Barcelona, I would have plenty of time to continue work and possibly finish a project that is overdue, but still has promised payment at the end of it. Hum... I wonder (thrilling to the thought) if by some bizarre chance I might actually come out *ahead* when all is said and done...

If you have any advice for me, any words of wisdom or just general feedback, email me at my regular address. I'm still keeping comments closed because I hate moderating, but please do let me know if you have any feedback. It seems a bit odd... but it might work out!

Mom's needs / Kid's needs

2009-02-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

I spend far too much time cooking.

But, I like giving my kid's homecooked meals.

I wish my kids had more cooking skills, but they don't seem to be interested in cooking, or helping me cook. They just like to hang out in the kitchen while I am cooking.

I have made the kitchen warm and inviting. Candles. Relaxing music. Happy voices. But helpers disappear quickly. I often feel like the Little Red Hen.

I haven't seen much cooking interest in my kiddos except for Kee who sometimes makes us Belgian waffles on Saturday mornings. Do you know what it is like to wake up to Belgian waffles made by your teenager? It's the best feeling in the world.

Notwithstanding, I still have two problems -- me wanting less kitchen work + kids needing a boost in their kitchen skillz.

Here's my potential solution. I'll let you know how it goes.

Each kid is in charge of dinner one day a week.

Jee -- Tues
Kee -- Wed
Vee -- Thurs
Aee -- Fri

I get Saturdays as usual (and we often eat out, yeah!) and I like cooking on Mondays (one of those cook-ahead-on-busy-day meals). Eee gets Sundays as always and he does a great job.

I tried the new potential solution tonight for the first time. As I explained it to Jee, I could see the resistance building in his eyes. He did not want another chore. So I said, "But, think about it. You'll get to pick whatever you want for dinner."

His eyes lit up and I think we have a deal.

Right now there is chicken & pasta on the stove, cornbread in the oven and a salad will be made closer to dinner time.

Why didn't I think of this sooner? I hope it works.

Follow-up on Knitting & Science

2009-02-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

Jee came home from his first class saying:

Mom, when you knit, you have to be really mellow. If you are tense, you hold the yarn too tight. So, relax. Everything's going to be OK. Just go like this... (showing me how to knit)

The next morning when he prepped for school, he put a ball of yarn in his backpack feeding towards the needles in his hands, so he could knit while walking to school.

Aee responded to her Science class like this:

Mom, I LOVE my science teacher. She is so nice. She said that understanding science will help me understand the world. And I love the world. I love science. I love my teacher. (Initiate hug sequence)

Sigh.

It's great when it all works out.

Welcome to the 21st century

2009-02-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

It's the start of a new semester for my kids and that means new after-school classes. I just realized that for today Jee (male) is going to Knitting class (and he is So Psyched!) and Aee (female) is going to Science class (she begged & begged for that class over all others).

I worry, for good reason often, that my kids have a too-traditional parent set and that my/Eee's role model will make it harder for my kids in the long-run.

Today's little classes are a bit comforting. There was no talk of "this is for boys/girls" when they picked their afterschool classes. They are pursuing their interests. Period.

Scratches

2009-01-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

Every now and then, out of the blue, the cat launches himself across the room and onto someone's backside.

If you hear a scream coming from our home, it's probably, "YEEOWCH! There are 20 cat claws spread into new little holes in my back and bum at this moment and he's not letting go!"

It's the weirdest thing. It's like temporary cat insanity. He forgets for a minute that he's just a 20 pound housecat and for a moment thinks he's the lion chasing down a bit of prey in the jungle.

Yowch.

Then the spell is broken and he looks up at you with his perpetually surprised and innocent eyes.

TCI, temporary cat insanity.

Reading through the teacher's tears

2009-01-21T19:32:00.001-08:00

You know how elementary teachers usually have one advanced chapter book that they read to the children usually after lunch when the kids are in that sleepy digestive mood? The purpose is to help children get accustomed to sophisticated story structures that are beyond their current reading ability. It builds the mental constructs of literacy quite nicely.

So, Aee's teacher let me know this morning, "I was doing Read Aloud for the class and near the end the story is so touching... I started crying and couldn't get through the book so I asked your daughter to read. She sat on my chair and finished the chapter while I dried myself off."

I could easily picture that. Aee has the steely nerves of a surgeon -- she would have grit her teeth and read loudly and clearly so all the children could hear the end of the story.

My boys

2009-01-20T19:36:00.001-08:00

It seems like no matter what ickiness is going on in my life, if someone asks me about my kids, my face lights up and I drift into happyland. For example, a few days ago, I was working with a friend who is helping me think through some Big Picture issues. The conversation contained very little happiness in it. She asked about the kids and, you guessed it, my face lit up.

I told her about how that morning I had time to make big boys a yummy breakfast and we talked in the car on the way to seminary. The stars were out; the boys' hair was fuzzy in that fluffy-squirrel sort of way; the scents in the car were comfortingly scrumptious as they slurped their way through several slices of homemade French toast and fresh orange juice with a hint of Madagascar vanilla.

When I got home, I got a steaming hot shower that eased the tension out of my muscles.

Then I sat down at the table with my two youngest and played a few games, did homework, enjoyed their chipper little laughs and their funny stories. We dressed warmly then walked to school, stopping at the park on the way to fly a few paper airplanes we had made while still at the breakfast table. We talked about each plane's aerodynamic construction. As the little ones launched their planes off the "balcony" spot at the park, we analyzed each plane's roll, pitch, and yaw. I thrilled to hear them using the real terminology.

So, if you ever see me looking sad, ask about my kids. I see so much goodness in them, can't help but smile.

Batching and Chunking

2008-12-15T23:18:00.000-08:00

Friends ask me often, "How do you get so much done?"

To which I usually reply: "What are you talking about???"

I usually feel as if I am letting the sand-dust of time slip through my fingers day after day.

But last Friday I did a get a bit of reward for my hard work. Using various business strategies, I chunked (breaking tasks into do-able chunks) and batched (putting like tasks together in batches) my way to Task Completion.

In a 3 hr time frame I needed to:

* feed my kids a healthy dinner, prep to clean-up
* get in a good, full one hour workout at the YMCA
* do all Christmas present shopping for the kids and the kids' presents for each other

Hum.

I drove the kids to a store that had only high-quality gear, a Mom & Pop shop with great taste. I gave each child a notepad and pencil so during the 7 min drive to the store, the kids all brainstormed for what they wanted for Christmas.

When we got to the store, I took one child at a time around the store, had him/her review his/her siblings' lists, picking out presents for each sibling and their dad. We dropped the presents in a basket behind the counter and presto, about 45 min later, all presents had been acquired. I purchased them, asked the staff to wrap them all, and the big boys walked the little kids across the street to Amelia's, an all-organic super cool health food diner, just like I would make at home if I had a few hours to prep the food.

While the kids were happily munching (no worries -- the big ones are more than capable of watching the little ones, probalby even more protective than I am), I ran, yes, r-a-n over the YMCA, got in a good sweaty 45 min and r-a-n back to Amelia's. We picked up our neatly wrapped gifts and headed home with everyone in their proper condition -- sweaty mama, children with happy bellies and a big ol' bag full of presents.

Sigh.

As the kids carried the bags into the house, I thought to myself, "You know, I could have spent weeks driving all over town to different stores agonizing over what to get for each present..."

Nah!

The Professor's Breakfast

2008-11-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

I made scrambled eggs and toast for my kids this morning. Kee said, "Mom, these eggs smell sulfuric..."

I guess the eggs had gone bad, but it made me pause for a minute and wonder why he didn't say, "Mom, these eggs are bad." Ha.

S-u-weet!

2008-11-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

Eee, Vee, and Kee flew in late last night (Sun night) and I debated over whether or not to hire a babysitter for the little ones or just take them with me and consider it a big adventure. I opted for the chance for Jee and Aee to see what it's like to stay up late.

It was such a blast! We hung around at The Tech until it closed, went out to dinner, and explored the parts of the city that were being lit up by new Christmas lights.

Both Aee and Jee fell asleep in the car on the way home, but were able to walk inside and climb into their beds and zzz.

This morning, I was *sure* that they would be late for school and I figured I would let them sleep until they woke up naturally.

Sure enough, 5 minutes before school, Aee and Jee both woke up, stumbled out to the kitchen and asked for breakfast. They snarfed down a little breakfast, grabbed their lunches, homework and backpacks and waited at the door for me.

They literally rolled out of bed ready to go. They looked pretty good too. (They had changed their clothes right before going to the airport! Their outfits hadn't been worn for a "full day" yet!)

As we walked to school this morning, I was -->beaming<-- with pride. My little well-traveled, rugged road warrior children flopsing their way to school. (It's not really walking, not really wandering, but more of a explore-the-world-as-you-walk type of walk.) I love it. I love it all.

It reminded me of an essay I love: Little Nomad by Naomi Shihab in an anthology titled "Between Mothers and Sons"

Unredo

2008-10-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

I love language. My kids love playing with words.

Yesterday we were strolling to school lazily under the orange leafy trees. We happened to get ready for school on time and had the luxury of "taking it slow". We were talking about how people make mistakes & how we learn from mistakes:

Jee: "Mom, just un-re-do it!"

"Wha?"

Jee: "You know, it's that phrase 'just do it' but better."

"Tell me more."

Jee: "Well, with 'just do it' they are forgetting that people make mistakes. Some people 'just do it' then redo it and redo it and redo it (said too many times to repeat) ...until they get it right."

"Yeah..."

Jee: "What if you took your time, thought really hard, and did it right the first time? Then it would be 'just un-re-do it!' That means, don't redo it, just do it right the first time. Hahahaha."

We spent the rest of the walk with Jee & Aee playing with prefixes and suffixes, the current love of both their lives.

Today I am trying to un-re-do it, trying to get it right from the start. Wish me luck.

Party fail.

2008-09-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

This post will make the most sense if you are familiar with the Fail Blog. This blog generated all sorts of funnies in our family. For example, last Sunday Eee make fried rice that looked more like muddy farm "sludge". It was a "dinner fail".

Well, we had another birthday party fail today. The last one was Jee resisting going to a friend's party because, "I want to stay home and program! I want to program! No, don't make me go!"

Today was similar, but Jee is apparently becoming a more sophisticated negotiator. This time it was:

* "But mom, if I stay home, I can fix your laptop." (He can.)

* "Mom, they'll have cupcakes or cake or other sweets at the party and those are bad for me. Wouldn't you rather I stay home and not eat sugar?"

* "Wouldn't my time be better spent at my desk, learning something new?" (Yes, he actually talks like this. Sometimes.)

4 knuckles and 2 toes

2008-09-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

Why do I love the YMCA?

O, let me count the ways...

One of my favorite parts about working out at the Y is when I see the teacher do a pilates / yoga move and I think, "Pffft, yeah, right! I'm never going to get into *that* position."

Then slowly, bit by bit, aligning knees, ankles, hip bones, moving up the spine like stacking Legos, straightening arms, flexing feet, adjusting shoulders... and before I know it, I am balancing the entire whole of myself on my two big toes and only four knuckles total.

If I could fly like a bird, a passive aggressive bird, it would probably feel a lot like this.

Best Edge #3

2008-09-07T17:45:00.001-07:00

I think there might be Five Edges in here somewhere, but this is the one that jumped out at me today. Note that I do not actually follow any of these Best Edges consistently. I just do my best to remember them and implement them when I can.

Best Edge #3: Fiercesome Focus

Apparently, a person can get a lot more done when they focus fiercely on one thing at a time.

Like right now, Vee & Kee are at a friend's birthday party. Eee, Jee & Aee are playing piano at a community center building. I am home doing... I forgot what I was doing actually. So, I am going to try this fiercesome focus thing on... Hum. On... downsizing our house by five more boxes. Ready, set, go!

1,

2,

3,

4,

5.

Done!

Try it. It is fun.

What happens when you don't plan

2008-09-02T16:18:00.000-07:00

The kids and I have been planning out their extracurricular activities for the 08-09 school year. Aee wrote each activity on a card along with the date and time of the activity.

As I laid out their chosen activities, I realized that Jee's Mondays would look like this:

5:45 Up with brothers (since they always wake him up "by mistake")
7-8 Skateboarding with Dad
8-2:30 School
2:30-3:45 Basketball
4-5 Fencing
5-7 Home, dinner, homework
7-8 Cub Scout meeting with Dad
8:30 Late bedtime

Hum, that's --way-- too much for a 7 yo.

And you know what would have happened if we hadn't written out the schedule?

1. Sign up for classes since they all look fun.
2. First Monday of class, so much of a whirlwind (getting other kids to & from theirs also) that we don't notice what's happening, only that "we're busy".
3. After the first month, burn-out happens. He's tired by late afternoon and we look into dropping a few extras...

There is absolutely no purpose behind the crash and burn approach, although I know that's how a lot of people live.

Planning WORKS.

Best Edge #2

2008-09-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

Be appreciative.

This nugget of wisdom comes from one of the most beautiful women I know -- she is always saying how grateful she is for this, that, and the other thing.

So, in an effort to erase some of these worry lines and add a bit more beauty to my day, here it goes.

I am appreciative of:

* a good night's sleep
* dreams that comfort me
* nightmares that help me identify what I am most worried about (so I can fix it)
* a good, healthy breakfast (no sicky sweet cereal for me!)
* kids who wake up
* kids who wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
* kids who wake up in time to walk leisurely to school
* kids who talk to me during said walk
* all the beautiful things we saw on that walk to school -- the weird plants and the way Aee noticed how the world changes from day to day
* the friends who also walked and met us along the way to make our walk even more enjoyable
* friends who ask me about how things are going
* friends who actually want to know the answer
* friends who can give constructive feedback when I give that answer
* friends who leave me smiling (and sometimes who are sad with me)

Pausing for a deep breath... I am appreciative of:

* the Y-M-C-A (can you hear the song when you read that?) and all the wildly enjoyable classes they have
* the workout instructor who played R-E-S-P-E-C-T today and how that song stuck with me throughout the day, shaping my interactions in that ever-so-imperceptible way
* the way my body stood up straighter and breathed deeper after I was done
* the friend I saw in class who I didn't know attended that class and who I wish I could spend more time with

Another deep breath already? It isn't even 10 am yet... I am appreciative of:

* a lot of work to keep me busy
* a clean-enough house
* a desk full of lovely messages
* a bit of quiet
* the six kittens running around under my feet
* the one momma cat slinky around, acting like a rule enforcer of them all
* the way the kittens run around so fast and carelessly that they often hit the wall, door, window like a bird splatting on a window pane
* a bit of relaxing music in the background interspersed with podcasts while working
* an excellent lunch -- salmon on a fresh tossed red lettuce salad along with a handful of cracked pepper Triscuits.

There was so much more, but I think you get the picture. Life is good, but being able to appreciate it is what makes it full of better moments, or possible even best moments.

Isn't it cool when you have moments in life that are "best moments" where nothing else you could be doing in that moment could top what is actually happening?

One of those moments that qualified as a "best moment": A few of the kittens figured out how to use my leg as a springboard. He would run at me, jump / bounce up my leg, onto my desk and smack his little head into my computer monitor. I think he may have been pouncing at the cursor onscreen. Who knows. It was hilarious.

I could have been annoyed, but why?

Best Edge #2 -- Be appreciative.

Dead Cats and Shaved Eyebrows

2008-08-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, our cat died.

No, this won't be the eulogy for the cat.

The kids are setting up a separate web page for that.

But I will share that I got *excellent* advice from friends on how to break the news to the kids and on how to assist in the grieving process.

This is the best bit of advice by far, titled, "Why did Egyptians shave off their eyebrows?"

"Shaving off the eyebrows was a sign of mourning. An entire family would do so if their pet cat died. Remember, the cat was a sacred animal to the Egyptians. the cat represented Bast (Bastet), and the family would remain in mourning until their eyebrows grew back."

And now y'all are going to be anxious to see us, trying to catch a glimpse, "Do they still have eybrows? Do they? Do they?"

HA.

Best Edge #1

2008-08-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have been holding on by the skin of my teeth these last few weeks. I'll post more about it later, but for now I wanted to do a short series of my favorite nuggets of wisdom that I have collected from friends.

These are things I am trying to implement and I don't want them to slip through my fingers, so I am giving them a smidge of permanence on my blog. I am calling them the "Best Edge" bits. "Best" because they have risen to the top over any other concepts I have heard and "Edge" because they are the types of concepts that slice through the fog.

Best Edge #1 -- What will I regret the least?

What an awesome tool for making choices! I heard this from a lady who lives thoughtfully and honestly so I thought I would give it a try.

You know what?

I make very different choices when I consider which choices I will regret the least later.

Example: Today was brutal, one of those days where no matter how hard I work and how well I schedule and how much I delegate, there is just now way to reach "good enough". So... I had to find another way to deal with it.

I used all my standard methods of decision making and none brought any clarity to my set of choices. It wasn't until I considered, "What task list will bring the least regret by the end of the day?" With that, I had complete clarity. I spent the day prepping the rental unit for new tenants.

Super cool bonus: The kids worked alongside me, learning all sorts of skills. The Big Boys did quite a bit of manual labor, stayed focused, exercised their persistence. My favorite bit was seeing them, when faced with a seeminly undoable task, grit their teeth and find a way to complete the task well anyway.

Another favorite was seeing my little girl using the screwdriver to resecure all the light switch plates. I didn't even have to tell her what to do, just said, "Hey, could you put these back on?"

She went at it like a seasoned construction worker.

I also noticed that "What will I regret least later?" also changes what I say and mostly what I don't say.

One comment I am hearing a lot, "You have been so quiet lately..."

Ha.

Bonding when you shouldn't

2008-08-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Jee has fallen in love with skateboarding. He's always on a board or a scooter or a bike or anything with wheels.

A friend told me about the X-games in LA and I should check it out.

I googled the #1 more watched video and called Jee into the room, “Com'ere, com'ere, see this skateboarder at the X-games. This is what the X-games are like. You get to watch the skateboarders do their tricks...”

Jee snuggled into my lap in front of the computer to watch. I could tell that he was really bonding with the skateboarder Jake Brown.

“Look. You could be this good someday. These guys are really physically fit and they work really hard to do what they do. Now watch... OH WOW... Oh...”

You have to see the video to really understand it.

Let's just say I learned that I should always preview the clip before I show it to my children, especially if it is something important that they might relate to personally.

For the love of laundry

2008-08-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have tried very hard to make the best of it. I really have. But, my main goal has always been to minimize the time spent doing laundry, to make sure the laundry is never the focal point of a single day, because if the adage is true, “Live today as if it is your last,” then heaven forbid my last day should be spent doing laundry.

My game plan is to attack the biggest drain first: The most time consuming step is sorting, folding, and putting everything away. I have tried many methods; none have helped me quickly get through the pile of laundry that is piled up to a height of three feet, two inches. (I measured. This is typical. Several times a week.)

This week I tried something new. I washed and dried it all then dumped load after load on the couch in the living room. As I was dumping the last load, I bellowed to the children, “Come git yer clothes!”

Only one of them came so I bellowed, “You owe me $1 for every item of clothing that is yours, left on this couch after 10 minutes!”

I heard the stampede of feet and I stepped back to see what would happen.

Within seconds, they were all there, digging into the pile of clothes. Shirts were flying, pants were grabbed or thrown, and socks hit the ceiling. In a hyper-quick three minute cat-fight-like scene, ALL the laundry was sorted and toted off to it's owners room. I was left with a small pile of my own clothes, my husband's clothes, and the kitchen towels.

It was so awesome that I tried it again yesterday to see if the experiment could be duplicated.

It worked!

Glory be.

Falling asleep on the job

2008-07-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

How do you explain to your adorable little child why you fell asleep while you were playing together?

Here's the best I could muster:

"I blinked and forgot to unblink...

Sorry! I love you, you know."

Letting Go Experiment, Day 3, Aftershock and Summary

2008-07-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

Note: This is my 200th post to this blog. Yikes. I think I will go celebrate by doing the dishes... or not.

Last day of the Letting Go Experiment:

Aftershock = Despite the *huge* mess from J&A's painting experience (they decided to paint the pedestal sink in the bathroom blue, acrylic paints) the day still was more fun because we had identified several things we wanted together ahead of time. The blue bathroom was a bit of a detour, a heckova detour, but the day still had the silky-sweet (hugs and kisses) quality to it that I wanted.

Experiment Summary = When the kids get to choose their MITs (Most Important Tasks) of the day, it makes them happier and more centered. I sure hope I can remember this. Writing... it down... in pen... on hand... tatooing... on forehead...

Letting Go Experiment, Day 3, LAST DAY

2008-07-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is our last day just the three of us.

The big, stinky, hairy men will return home sometime in the night / morning.

Today's list of fun stuff included:

* Use gift card from grandma to get A's b-day present (finally)
* Get a new pair of Sunday pants for tall & lanky J
* Research hamster homes (the type that you can put together like Legos)
* Omega
* VT / Coquelet Cafe
* BART to YMCA
* Play at Cedar Rose park
* Scan scrapbook pages
* Play downstairs
* Go to beach
* Barnes & Noble bookstore

We started out fast and furious then got sidetracked on those boxes and boxes of delightful acrylic paints.

Soon, J & A are going to discover how much time they have spent painting and playing. Ha -- sounds like a Pop Quiz for what I wanted them to experience. Letting go. What do you do when you don't get everything you want?

Coming soon... the Aftershock.

Planets aligning

2008-07-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the kids play in this certain way that makes the whole house / my whole world feel like the planets have aligned, sweet harmony, absolute beauty surrounds us.

Sounds a bit over the top? Well, dear friends, when the bar is set really, really low, it doesn't take much to get to bliss.

Today, we had our plans laid out (see next post) and there was a brief intermediate period between two tasks where I told A that should could paint her clay creations that she made yesterday. She made a little castle for the hamster and J made a low & large igloo for the hamster. I got out my four boxes of acrylic paints, slipped painting shirts over their heads and told them to go for it.

Since the sight of flying paint is hard for me to handle, I figured it would be a good time to catch up on emails and get 15, 20, maybe 30 minutes of work done. I was literally 12 feet from them, through a semi-open wall / doorway / hand-through thingy so I could hear them, but not freak out at the paint mess. Bliss. (See how low that bar is set? That's *bliss* for me.)

After 25 min, with one castle and one igloo painted lavishly, the painty, messy duo moved into the bathroom to supposedly wash their hands and their brushes. They are coming out every few minutes to ask questions like, "Can I have another bag?" and "Don't come in here quite yet, promise?"

They must have something wonderful brewing.

Since the bar is set relatively low, if I finally go into the bathroom an hour later and see the walls are painted, graffitied, or somehow they have "updated" the faucets, mirrors, or shower doors with acrylics... sigh... we'll work through it.

For now, I am content with hearing their happy voices working collaboratively on ... something.

Letting Go Experiment, Day 2, Aftershock

2008-07-23T20:42:00.001-07:00

It worked! The kids were able to focus on their Most Important Tasks without whining about what else they could be doing. We got a lot done and had a blast doing it. There was only one situation where they had a tiff. We took the BART to the YMCA and while J & A were in Kindergym, one kid was a bit of a bully to A. J didn't do anything about it, so we worked on it tonight, role-playing and helping him get 100% on his sister's side. I have really wanted to work on that particular skill & this afternoon provided a great learning situation.

My favorite question of the day: "What does 'artistic' mean?" (That's harder to answer than it sounds!)

Aftershock = When you have a solid schedule it is far easier to be flexible, a bit of a paradox, but a beautiful one.

Letting Go Experiment, Day 2

2008-07-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

Why on earth don't we do all our days like this??

Jee and Aee woke up happy and calm, yet energized for the day. That's *exactly* what I hope for every morning and I think it has something to do with a good night's sleep (which is heavily effected from the quality of life the day before).

So, today, the list contained:

* make playdough
* trampoline
* go get a scooter, Razor, for Aee
* do an R&D trip looking at different cat food & water bowls so J&A can make custom bowls at the pottery studio tomorrow
* go look at hamsters (to get a friend for Sammy)
* Omega Salvage (a funky cool place where we could get a chair or bookcase for JA to redo)
* go to the Animal Farm
* Cedar Rose park

We're about half way through the day now and a few minutes ago I caught myself singing "...raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..."

These are a few of my favorite things.

Irony

2008-07-22T23:28:00.001-07:00

My sister-in-law told me once, while cleaning up her house after her girls were asleep for the night, "It's far easier to keep up than to catch up." I loved that image -- just a bit of work (who are we kidding, just a lot of work) each night will stave off a really messy disaster that will take a whole weekend to clean up.

So, tonight I'm cleaning up after the day and listening to a meditation audiobook titled, "Giving Thanks". At one point in the exercise, the audiobook says,

"Know that in this moment, you have nothing else that needs to be done, nothing that needs your attention..."

I burst out laughing.

Highly unmeditative.

I had eight different things in my hands, going to five different rooms. I had my route planned out and was planning the task I would do the second my hands were free. Yes, I was in a mentally meditative state, but my body had a lot more to do, so...

"... nothing else that needs to be done..."

Irony.

Letting Go Experiment, Day 1, Aftershock

2008-07-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

Technically, this should be called "Day 1 Evaluation" or something equally appropriate, but "Aftershock" is the more accurate word...

Jee and Aee were amazing. They both did their top three things (although Jee didn't actually get to finish his) and they did the "work" inbetween more willingly than ever before. They:

*took their baths without whining. I didn't even hear the typical question, "Do I actually have to get in the water???" (They're such cats.)

*ate unique foods at dinner and didn't complain

*did a *full* shopping trip with me without a single complaint. (This is the sound of me stunned...

...)

Usually, when we do shopping of any sort, my two little anti-consumers whine and moan, "Can we go home yet? This is So NOT Fun. This stuff is stupid. This is stupid."

The only whine that isn't too bad is when they said, "Ooooh noooo... my brain is rotting..." and they melt into the cart (or worse, the floor). That one is actually a bit funny.

The worst whine is "Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet?" followed by, "But you said you only needed three things! This is more than three! I can count you know!" (followed by an inaudible, but still very obvious "It sure looks like you can't count" unsaid, unspoken, hanging in the air.) I have the nasty habit of saying before we go into the store, "It'll be quick; I only need three (or five or eleven) things." This particular habit is called a "habit of pre-emptive self-delusion" or at least that's what it would be called if I got to write the textbooks for Psych 101.

But, today there wasn't a single complaint. I think I may be in shock.

The survival tool I use most often in stores is to give them a +1 if they show good behavior and a -1 if they show bad behavior. It helps them grasp the continuity of the number line and it helps demarquate the terms of appropriate and inappropriate behavior. For example:

Jee: "M o m, this is so stooopid." (said in a whiny voice while pointing to any miscellaneous item in the cart)

Me: "Minus one."

Jee: (mouth shut, an important EQ skill)

On the flip side:

Jee: "Mom, can I see the list so I can help you find the next item?"

Me: "Sure, you'll get a plus one if we can find a new rug and towel together nicely"

At the end of the trip, they had a combined plus six which lead to two extra items (a hamster exercise ball and some window chalk for the car. That car can't get any more ugly. Drawing on the car's windows will be an improvement.)

The activities they chose to do were fun. They got plenty of exercise and plenty of "Ok, before we do ___ we have to do 15 min of clean up work. Okies?"

Met by, "Sure mom!"

My two favorite words of the day.

Aftershock = When people, even little ones, are in control of their lives, they are far more pleasant to be around.

Letting Go Experiment, Day 1

2008-07-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

Aee and Jee's list of Things to Do:

1. Scan papers for memory files.
2. Play old computer games.
3. Program 1 game using the Sugar UI.
4. BART to the YMCA and play!
5. Go skateboarding.
6. Pick up Aee's plates from Brushstrokes
7. Make a water bowl and a food bowl for Cuddlebug.
8. Go to the park.
9. Go skateboard and scooter at school.

So far, it's going great! They are psyched that they have some direction and control over their day. Woot!

Switching Gears / An Experiment

2008-07-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

Eee is taking Vee and Kee to a conference for most of this week. It will be a great guy's night, er, week out. They'll be working, but they *love* what they do, so it might as well be a vacation.

So, I have Jee and Aee and no schedule. Yet.

I am planning on doing an experiment with them. They are right at the cusp of learning how to deal with the Good, Better, Best concept and this would be a prime time to exercise it a bit. For example, when we make a list of "10 things I want to do today" they can rank the items by importance, but they are still sad when they don't do all 10. I think we'll practice the art of not doing it all.

Key concepts: Letting go / focusing on the joyful parts.

Exercise: Every morning write the top 10 things we want to do that day. Make sure we do three (or more if there's time). At the end of the day, during yoga (or maybe while making dinner) talk about how great those Top Three were and how it's OK to not do everything. Make a Memory Sheet at the end of each day showing the three things they did that were so awesome. Hum. That might work.

I don't fully understand why, but I feel like it might be an important skill for Aee and Jee to learn that it's ok to not have it all. From what I can see of my future plans, we are hoping to live lighter and lighter as the years go, so... they had better get used it while their brains are still mushy.

I want to share with them how wonderful it is to -- let go --.

The Positive "No"

2008-07-21T23:12:00.000-07:00

I am completely enamoured with "The Positive 'No'".

When Vee and Kee were little, I took great pleasure in hearing them say a loud and resilient "No" (and stick to it) because I hoped it would translate into them being able to say a strong no to all the nasty stuff that would hit in their teen years.

I am listening to the Positive No on audiobook and it is so phenomenally validating.

This doesn't sound familiar

2008-07-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I remember my friends (and me) always wishing for sweets. Candy was a treat, something good, wonderful, and desired.

So, at Vee and Kee's birthday party, I had a big spread of goodies, something that we usually only buy on Christmas and Halloween.

It was so funny -- the guys went for the pizza and some even dissed the treats.

At one point, the guys had just finished playing a high activity game and they came back into their house, looking for drinks. Most of them had water even though we had a good stock of pop (again, something we don't buy except on occasions like this). The teenagers were saying things like:

"Oh man, you're drinking pop after exercising. That's wicked. Your stomach's gonna cramp."

and

"At least have some water first. At least it isn't as bad as having the sugar hit your stomach straight."

and

"Hey, chill on the pop. You won't have enough energy to game all day if you get a sugar crash. Check it out, how many grams is in this can?"

And I'm standing off to the sidelines thinking I never heard teenagers in my generation aware of such things, let alone exerting peer pressure to monitor what they take into their bodies. The whole time I'm wondering whether or not kids like this take drugs (when parents aren't looking). They weren't completely aware that I was still standing there. Do kids take drugs who are also concerned about the number of sugar grams in a can of pop?

I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

Sneaky little boy

2008-07-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

You know those sweet little moments that stick in your memory as if you had a video camera somewhere in your cranial mass? The memory is so sweet and precious that you hold on to it as long as you can.

One scene I really want to remember: At Vee and Kee's birthday party, they did a Capture the Flag game at a park by our home. Imagine a crowd of tall, gangly teenagers, several over six feet, all of them extremely powerful, smart young men. It was awesome seeing them play. Anyone who happened to walk by on the sidewalk stopped to watch for a few minutes. Even one friend who saw them out there emailed me about it, "You should have seen it!"

I showed up with Aee in tow about an hour after they started. Little 7 yo Jee had been with them the whole time. They were such great teenagers that they let Jee be a legitimate member of one of the teams and treated him pretty much like one of the guys. Jee ate it up.

But near the end, he apparently noticed he had an advantage. He was so much smaller than any of them that he was generally below their visual field. While they were shooting each other with Nerf guns, crossbows, and swinging their foam swords, Jee walked boldly over to the opponent's side, grabbed the flag (actually a large yellow broom) and started running back to home base.

Apparently, no one had actually scored yet, but Jee had picked up the jist of the game from hearing the guys talk. Jee had a doubtful look in his eye as he ran across the field and the broom was tremendously bulky compared to his little body, but he kept on running!

One of 6'+ guys with a heavy British accent yelled, "Hey, guys! The little bloke has the flag! Uh, guys... help! Guys... HELP!"

And Jee just kept on running except by the time he reached his home base, everyone was laughing so hard they couldn't shoot him.

Chalk one more point for the little guy.

Birthday Marathon

2008-07-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Vee and Kee's sweet 16 (and 17) birthday party went from 12 noon on Friday to 10 am on Saturday. Whew. I'm still tired.

It was my job to supply them with food: pizza, Caesar salads, sandwiches, chips, popcorn, cake, and of course, lots of goodies.

They had their party in the lower level of our home, usually a rental unit, but the previous tenants moved out and we haven't filled it yet with new tenants. The boys actually have their own independent house right now. I'm not completely sure how I feel about that...

For their party, Kee and I bought a big stack of new Nerf guns, cross bows, and other goodies. Their games got a bit too "big" for the house so they ran over to a park that's a block away and did a huge capture the flag game (more on that in a different post).

Back at the house they had a few rounds of games like RISK, Settlers of Catan, Mao, and Munchkin Fu. They also set up one room as "The Wii Room" and another as "The X-box Room".

I was trying to think back to what I did for my sweet 16, but I think I was in the Loire Valley at the time... I don't think I celebrated it at all. Mom and Dad, remind me if I'm remembering wrong! Eee can't remember what he did for his sweet 16 either.

Getting the Chores Done, method 1,784

2008-07-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

We didn't have much time to do an entire house worth of housecleaning chores, so...

We invented yet another way to get it done. By my count, this is the 1,784th time I have reincarnated the mantra: "Let's do chores this way! How fun!" (hiding grimace)

Dividing the house up by room, we spent only five minutes on each room. We glanced over the sheet that shows each task for each room (wash window, vacuum, dust, etc) and we attacked each room like a swarm of hungry hyenas.

As soon as the alarm buzzed that five minutes was up, we sat down on the newly cleaned carpet in the very center of the newly cleaned room and played a game of Blink. It's a card game based on visual pattern / color / number matching. It's a lot like Speed where the first person to play all their cards wins; no turns, just speed.

A game of Blink takes about three minutes. Shuffling before the game takes one minute. Joking around after the game takes another minute. Five minutes total to recoup and get that happy-happy-fun-fun vibe going strong.

At the end, I was utterly baffled. There was only one room that had left-over tasks after five minutes (the kitchen, always the kitchen). How on earth did we clean it that fast? Why had we taken so long in the past to clean each room?

This experience was a testament to the fact that there is massive variability into the "appropriate" length of time needed for any given task.

Reminds me of a quote I really like, from a friend, "In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become oddly faithful to trivial tasks."

The five minute time frame gave us a clearly defined goal (even with a buzzer at the end, goody!) and the promise of a game gave the kids the laser beam focus.

The pinnacle was when Eee said, "I've never had so much fun doing chores."

Woot!

Combat boots and blood stains

2008-07-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

You know how, at the end of the day, you assess how the day went: "Did I do everything I needed to? Did I stay on track? What should I do better tomorrow?" You look for signs that might prove that you really did OK today, that your work was worth something.

As I was looking for my signs of accomplishment today, I realized that they included:

* blood stains on my hoodie
* a goose-egg on my head
* bruises up and down my legs

Yeah, I guess I did really get in the game, get down and dirty with the day's activities.

And I'll be falling asleep in a bed that will probably contain:

* cracker crumbs
* at least a dozen Legos
* an animal or two
* a few leftover books that didn't make it back to their spot
* papers of various shapes and colors
* a pencil (yowch! but there's always a pencil in there somewhere since it is apparently the best place in the house to flop down and do homework)

I'll be too tired to clean it off and I'll comfort myself with the thought that, "I'm sure I'll miss this when the kids are grown and gone." (But odds are that I'll just be grateful for a clean bed.)

So, you may be wondering why blood stains on my hoodie are a sign of having lived a good day?

* Because the blood came from Jee's little cheek. He scraped it while skateboarding, doing a really tough trick and I'm proud of him for trying so hard to do something difficult. Late tonight, when we were caught in the cold marina air, I striped down to my t-shirt so Jee could keep warm underneath it. His cheek was bleeding and of course, it smeared on my favorite pink hoodie. Seeing him snuggle in, appreciating the warmth and breathing in his mother's smell... It's worth a blood stain or two (or three).

* Goose egg on my head? I'm not fully sure, but I think it was from playing goats with Aee. I love telling her what it was like to grow up on a farm and how much fun it was the play with the goats. They are sturdy, funny, opinionated animals and they love butting heads, even with people. If they can push you over, they win. If you're stronger, you win. Simple, but it can be painful. I love seeing Aee laugh her mischievous little laugh when she's the stronger goat. It's worth a goose egg or two.

* Bruises because the kids are always bumping, skateboarding, scootering, rollerblading a little too close to me, usually when we're cooking dinner. We don't have a no-shoes in the house rule; we don't even have a no-skateboard/rollerblade/scooter rule in the house. Thus, we get a little banged up. That's ok. Being near my kids while I'm working, hearing them bounce off each other in their playful puppy dogs way is worth a few bruises here and there.

I was thinking tonight that I shouldn't be in shorts and slippers, I should be in combat boots to protect my legs. I know a lady from church who used to wear combat boots. She has this super welcoming smile and is the picture of enthusiasm and motherly warmth. Just the thought of her approach to parenthood helped me look past the bruises tonight to the greater good -- I got to see my kiddos today. I wasn't stuck in an office, at least for today. I was beside them, even though it was HARD.

Combat boots and blood stains. So cool.

The best part is that there are so many other parents all around me who are also going to sleep tonight surrounded by Legos and maybe a crumb or two, parents who also have bruises on their shins.

Sometimes reality bites...

2008-07-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

You know those days when your head throbs and there are so many tasks and people calling your name that you can't slow down long enough to get rid of the headache?

So, you just put your chin down, force the corners of your mouth in a smile and Do Your Best?

Oi.

On days like this (like today) if I manage to survive it with grace intact, I reward myself in the evening by gliding over to Despair and reviewing their snarky way of pointing out our stupidities.

My favorite today is their lithograph on Change:

When the winds of change blow hard enough,
Even the most trivial of things can turn into a deadly projectile.

Ha. There's nothing like a good, honest laugh to ease away the tension of the day...

The Writer's Son

2008-07-15T22:15:00.001-07:00

I love watching people, seeing how they interact with others, seeing those little twitches, nods, and wiggles that indicate oh-so-many things... It's fascinating.

On Sunday, I had the delight of observing a man (sci fi writer) and his baby in SS. The man was eating a peach or something messy, completely absorbed in chewing, staring blindly straight ahead. His baby was standing in the bench, bobbing up and down the way babies do when they have just learned how to stand securely.

The teacher asked, "Who would like to give the prayer?"

Baby raises his hand. Baby's little eyebrows go up and he has an expectant look. Someone else gets the mic and baby's hand goes down.

A few minutes later, the teacher says, "I know this is a difficult concept... I doubt that any of us really understand it... Do any of you have any ideas as to what this passage could mean?"

Baby raises his hand. Baby's little eyebrows go up and he has an expectant look. Someone else gets the mic and the baby's hand goes down.

Father completely unaware. Munch. Munch.

A few minutes later, the father finishes his meal and re-engages with his baby, picking him up and latching back on as father and son.

It was such a funny little glimpse -- this little wobbly baby wishing he could give answers to the tough questions, wishing he could say the prayer. If only someone would give him the mic!

Speed of Generational Improvements

2008-07-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer that each generation can improve on the last if:

* they learn from experience, and
* they let themselves -->go for it<--.

So, tonight we were reminiscing over what classes Eee and I had in high school and college when Kee (15 yo) pokes his fluffy, messy head around the corner:

"Do you realize that in a few months I'm going to be taking classes that are harder than anything you ever took, even including your Bachelor's degrees?"

Sizzle.

I wonder if any studies have been done showing an increased rate of improvement from one generation to the next? Everything else is speeding up exponentially, why not our learning potential?

Programming -- Who'd have guessed?

2008-07-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

Kee: "Hey mom, I'm going to teach Jee to program... OK?"

Me: "Uh, sure. Go for it." (oozing lack-of-confidence) Jee's only 7. How's he going to learn programming?

Kee and Jee spent *hours* programming, finished programming a game, and I overheard comments like:

Jee: "How do I speed up the response time?" (Did I say he's only 7 yo? About 45 lbs? Just this teeny, lanky little thing? How do you fit such a brain in such a teeny body?)

So, tonight both Jee and Aee had a friend's birthday party to attend. Jee didn't want to go, "But MOM, I want to STAY HOME AND PROGRAM."

He was angry.

He wanted to program.

And I was interrupting him with the silliness of a friend's birthday party.

Judging Jee's obsession with programming as a temporary anomaly, as a sign of his relatively strong tendency to stick with whatever task he is currently doing, I struck a compromise: "How about we go for 15 minutes. If, after 15 minutes, you want to come home to program, we'll leave the party and come straight home. Will that work for you?"

At first, his answer was no, but I insisted he had two choices:
1. go to party
2. go to bed

He finally said yes, but only because it gave him the option of more programming when we came home right after making an appearance.

Smart kid.

We went to the party and sure enough, at the 15 minute mark, he had a mouth full of cupcake and wanted to stay. Every 15 minutes I checked in with him and he was having fun with playing with friends.

We stayed for two hours, a respectable party time, but when we left, the consequences clicked into place, "MOM, I said I WANTED TO PROGRAM. Why didn't you hear me? I WANTED TO PROGRAM. I didn't want that party. I WANTED TO PROGRAM!"

Oh, heavens.

At least we were safely in the car on our way before it occurred to him that he had chosen to stay at the party. It took about ten minutes to get him home and into his father's care (his programmer father).

The whole time, I'm thinking: "What a horrible mom. I made my child go to a party... "

It reminds me of the time Vee and I were at Andronicos (a grocery store) buying chocolate for a particular party. Vee was reading one of those 500+ page books, reading while walking through the store. Vee was not listening to my requests for help with the grocery list.

At one point, I said too loudly:

"Vee put that book down and pick out some chocolate!!"

The little old ladies in the same aisle as us just stared and stared. They must have thought I was the worst mother ever...

"Put that book down... !"

Someday I'll look back at Jee's programming outbursts today and laugh, but for tonight I am still stunned by the intensity of his new love.

Wha...?

2008-07-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

My younger two are attending a camp at a Jewish temple this week.

We are not Jewish, but the camps offered there are *amazing*! High quality projects, delightful instructors, and a beautiful, cheerful environment. Divine.

One of the projects was to make a kite on special, ultra-light, non-rippable kite fabric. They got to use special light-weight paint to do the design.

Aee's design looked... interesting. The drawing looked like a mix between people and flowers -- people with stems.

I asked her what it was.

Aee: "It's people on crosses. See, there are three people on crosses."

All I could think was, "Why would she be drawing crosses in a Jewish school? They surely didn't discuss the crucifixion..." Outloud, I asked, "Honey, what's this one guy here? He's not on a cross."

Aee: "Yeah, he's waiting his turn. As soon as one of these guys dies, he can get up there."

I think we might need to review a few lessons... But first I'm going to call her Primary teacher...

There is surely a GREAT story behind this one.

For the record

2008-06-30T23:35:00.000-07:00

That skateboarding class I have been complaining about all week turned out to have a permanent, deep, deep impression on Jee's brain.

Here's the background: I took Jee to skatecamp last week and it consumed so much of my week just getting him there and back that I didn't have time to see any of what he had learned. (Drop-off and pick-up were at a campground, not at the skate bowl.)

On Sunday afternoon, we met with a group of friends (two groups, unrelated, but both invited) at a nearby school playground and my big deal was, "I haven't seen Jee skateboard... Now I'll get to see what he learned at camp."

I was floored. He had speed, grace, and a new comfort level that didn't look much like a kid who had been on a board for only 14 days. He could do these funky swivel turns, little jumps, flips, and as he was cruising across the playground (about 50' wide, solid cement with a decent decline) he got up enough speed to do a few other tricks that I don't know the names of.

As we were leaving, I said to him, "Wow, Jake, that was amazing. I didn't know you could do all those tricks."

He looked at me with that look that says he's trying to be compassionate, but he knows I'm an idiot. In a calm, measured voice, he said: "What tricks? I didn't do any tricks. This isn't even a skate bowl. If you want to see tricks, take me to the skate bowl."

Wha..? Now I'm almost scared to take him to the skatebowl. What qualifies as a "trick" in his mind? A double-back-flip-with-a-twist? (Yes, my vocab in this area is weak.)

His instructors said they had never seen a kid pick it up so fast. Maybe I see what they mean?

The Subtext

2008-06-30T23:04:00.001-07:00

As we were leaving Costco today, the cart was so heavy that it was hard to steer. (It didn't help that there were two wiggly kids dangling off the sides.) When we got to the car, we did the typical no-kids-in-the-car-until-we-get-this-unpacked rule. When we do this, I'm the cheerleader:

"Come on, you're doing great! Jee, look at your strong arms! Way to go... Aee what a catch!"

There was a businessman pulling his car carefully into the spot beside me and he witnessed a good chunk of our end-of-Costco experience. He smiled a wide, Southern smile and said, "Looks like you're getting them to help out!"

I smiled back and nodded, "Yep!"

As he walked away, I heard --- the subtext ---, those words that nearly everybody says under their breath or in their minds that is usually more honest, true, and to-the-point than their admitted first comment.

The subtext is the inside of the onion.

He said, "Good luck with that... Kids never help out."

I wish I hadn't heard him.

Curses to acute hearing.

Actually, it was good that I heard him. It reminded me to be more aware of my own subtext.

In this particular guy's case, his subtext was toxic. "Kids never help out." What the bleep?! Poor guy. Poorer kids related to that guy.

So, my wish is this: Let my subtext be honest, upbeat, and positive. Right now, my words are... well, you can see my words, but my subtext is... well, that's private. That's why it's unspoken, but awareness on a personal level is great.

The Magic Word

2008-06-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

My daughter has discovered the one magic word that goes straight to my heart. I can not say "No" to her when she uses this word in a request.

Is it, "Please"?

No.

Is it, "Pretty please darling Queen Mother?"

Heavens, no.

It is a phrase that took me by surprise the first time she used it. She was asking me to come read her a story. I was busy (oh, how I hate this story!) and told her I would be there in a minute.

She lowered her voice, calmed her little body, and said with the utmost sincerity, "I ask you to come now... Namaste." She held her little hands together perfectly as if in prayer. She did the little bow. If you haven't seen it, the wiki describes it like this:

"When spoken to another person, it is commonly accompanied by a slight bow made with hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointed upwards, in front of the chest."

Her eyes softened; her little head bowed; and she pronounced the words that went like a dagger straight into the soft spot between my exterior dragon scales.

Why would "Namaste" effect me like this? Because it is one of those rare, purely powerful words. When you do yoga, a really good session of yoga in particular, and get to the "Namaste" part, it feels amazing. Amazing I tell you! It is a poignant word / image / sensation.

Literally, "Namaste" means, "The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you." When your little daughter, a gift from above, so sincerely says that...

There is no other answer besides, "Yes."

Overheard at the dentist's office

2008-06-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

Jee was at the dentist early one morning, getting a spacer put in. It's a great pediatric dentist and the hygienist was talking with him gently, helping him feel appreciated as a little human being rather than just a little human mouth. She asked if he was in school and he replied, “No, I'm on vacation. It's a school holiday.”

The hygienist kept asking questions about what he was doing during vacation and if he was doing anything particularly fun today. He said (and this totally made me laugh), “Today is my sister's birthday! But she's still 5 because she was born at 2:07 in the afternoon so she'll still be 5 until then. Then, at 2:07 she'll automatically be 6. I wonder how many seconds it was... I mean it probably wasn't 2:07 and 0 seconds. There were probably more seconds. I don't know how many seconds it was when she was actually born...” He looks over at me and I know we'll have a long talk in the car on the way home. How do you explain to a child the messiness and imprecision of birth?

I suspect the discussion will involve talk of doctor's declaration of both birth and death being a “moment of judgment” rather than the precise, easily identifiable moment. Jee's little eyes will widen with wonder first, understanding second. I love it when his eyes do that. It's like he's acquiring yet another truth in his repertoire.

Bad at math

2008-06-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

I have always enjoyed math games, but I appear to have failed at the latest one.

What happens when you take an already-full 24 hour day and add an extra 4 hours of work into it?

Squeeeeeze.

It turns out that Jee's skateboarding camp is a full hour drive each way. I didn't bother to calculate ahead of time, before signing him up how that drive would impact the day.

It's worth it, oh so worth it, but wow, four hours? That's a beefy drive full of great audibooks ("Eat that Frog" and "Social Intelligence" and NPR shows).

It wasn't until this morning that I realized, "Doh! If I would have thought this out ahead of time, I would have realized that I can't do it."

Sometimes it helps to not think things through. Jee is having a great camping experience. Period.

Sometimes I forget...

2008-06-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

...that we see the world through the lens of the Scientific Process.

Aee doesn't play; she experiments.

I don't cook; I mix substances for a desired outcome.

Jee doesn't read; he researches.

Kee doesn't "push the limits" like a teenager; he tests hypotheses and formulates results.

Vee doesn't discuss things; he analyses the wording and flow of thought, checking for consistency then gives results. Comments such as "Mom, that was an inconsistent flow of thought," is something I hear, then we straighten it out together. Sweet.

I bought a big jar of vinegar today. I'll give you three guesses what it will be used for...

Summer camps

2008-06-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

Camps for the kids are costing us an arm, leg, and kidney, but the kids are blossoming.

Jee started his skateboarding camp today. It's an hour plus drive to the skate park, way out in the woods east of here, but the way his face lit up when he saw a whole crowd of skateboarding buddies... there's nothing else like it. He's so sparky.

And of course, he left his lunch in the car. We're driving home, thinking, "Whew, glad it's only a 2 hour drive to drop him off. And another 2 hr drive to pick him up. I don't think we could handle a much longer drive... Wait... Did he get his lunch?"

Doh!

So what, the drive was a little longer today, but the silver lining was that we needed to drive back to the skate bowl and got to see little Jee's first attempts at more complex skateboarding tasks. Kee and I just watched from a distance for a while before dropping off Jee's lunch. Jee is such a natural. He loosens up, studies the moves of the best skaters then mimics their moves. Sigh. It is really quite wonderful to see someone learning a new skill easily.

Aee started her art class today, starting with Impressionism. She actually studied up ahead of time, looking at sample art work so she'd be ready if the teacher asked questions. What was it Aee said... ? "I need some context. I don't know Impressionism yet." Then she dissected the word, asking if Impressionism had something to do with impressions. Sometimes I forget that she's still a little squirt who doesn't know how to tie her shoes yet.

Vee and Kee worked today, on daytime black-out so they can earn college funds w/o being distracted.

The Beach

2008-06-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

We are just now finishing up an amazing long weekend at the beach with my mom and dad. They rented a house that is right on the water and tonight we moved all the bed mattresses into the sun room so we got to watch the sun set as we snuggled into our various bedding spots. We have a bazillion pillows (the minivan was full of them as we drove down plus the house had plenty).

The sun room is a 20' long room with two beds in it already (and now three mattresses on the floor). None of us snore, so we can hear the ocean tide.

We spent our days flying kites, playing in the sand, and running along the beach. We ate many delightfully healthy meals cooked by my mother. We played games, told stories, and built a few electronics kits (a flashing heart and a voice changer). The kids really enjoyed seeing their Grandma & Grandpa.

What could possibly be better?

How much do you really need?

2008-06-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

I was checking out of a hotel the other day and the lady in line ahead of me was asking the desk-man, "Don't you have a working computer anywhere in the building? I just need to check a few things online..."

Apparently, the hotel's internet connection was fine, but their one and only computer for guests was blue screened and no one knew how to fix it (and I didn't want to touch it).

I had spoken with this lady earlier, had a friendly little conversation with her, so I piped up, "Well, I have three laptops in my backpack if you want to use one..."

Her eyes got wide and I could hear her thinking, "Why do you have *three*?"

Just then I realized I was late to my next appointment and I probably shouldn't have offered. Thankfully, she said she needed to shop for plane tickets and would take a while, so... I wished her luck as the clerk handed her directions to the top three closest places with connectivity.

The funny part -- as I was leaving I was thinking, "Well, actually I have four laptops on my back... I forgot about the small one...."

A more reasonable person would wonder why I needed four at once, all to myself, but if you have ever used, fully used, several at once and felt that rush of complexity, then you'll probably have that same warm appreciation for it.

Simplicity; complexity: they each have a time and a place. Sometimes it's nice to just have the clothes on your back and a weekend camping in the woods; sometimes it's nice to fully immerse yourself in a complex task. It's all good.

Psyched

2008-06-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

I am having so much fun working out at the Y. I think I have been underestimating "the act of moving in sync with others".

Raising kids & building a family are tough work. I don't get that sense of "flow" or "sync" too often. It happens and when it does, it feels GREAT...

...GREAT I tell you. I crave feeling that sense of sync with others more often.

I had forgotten that a workout at the Y is a similar experience.

Deep sigh. Blissful sigh.

A Lesson in Humility

2008-06-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

Every now & then we all need to be reminded how incompetent we are, right? It keeps us humble, right?

Earlier this week, I started working out at the YMCA again. They have a thick schedule packed with all types of classes. I did a 60 min Cycling one (yowch!), then an intense 60 min Water workout (harder than it sounds, but *fun*) then tonight I tried the 90 min Funk & Hip Hop Dance class. How humbling!

I had forgotten how to move my body like that. The teacher was amazing -- welcoming and motivating. My only saving grace is that I'm a good mimic of body movement (and vocal inflection). There were several great dancers ahead of me who had good rhythm, but still...

I have a renewed respect for those with a high level of body awareness.

Shaping the brain; training neural pathways

2008-06-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

I like to post quotes around the house. The kids (and I!) see the quotes and the content seeps in subconsciously, re-routing thoughts, training certain desired neural pathways, and eventually ending up as behavior. It goes like this:

1. Notice a concept or behavior that needs work.
2. Find a pithy quote that sums up the desired change.
3. Watch to see how long it takes for the change to be noticeable on a behavioral, ie permanent level.

I have been doing this since 1984 (started as a kid), but I have never kept track of the quotes. It sure would be fun to see what has shaped my path.

I'll try to track the current posts here:

* Quitting is not an option; Failure is not an option.

* Every single interaction between two human beings is an act of leadership.

* The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees one’s self. And the arbitrariness of the constraint serves only to obtain precision of execution.

* The Roman Rule: The one who says it cannot be done should never interupt teh one who is doing it.

* I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. I will be rich by myself, and not by borrowing. --Michael de Montaigne

* What we do upon some great occasion will probably depend on what we already are; and what we are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline. -- H. P. Liddon

* The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind. --Napoleon Bonaparte

* We do hard things.

...more to come. I need to wander around the house and see what else I have posted at the moment.

Loving language

2008-06-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

From our kids we hear, in order of magnitude: English, Latin, French, Mandarin Chinese, Spanish, Hebrew, and German. It is truly delightful.

Last night, Vee and I went on a great run. (I really need to train harder if I'm ever going to be able to keep up with him.) As always, we pushed it at the end. Vee sprinted off into the distance. I sprinted, but in comparison to Vee, it look like a slow putt-putt (oh, comparisons, comparisons).

Completely out of breath, we stretched out a bit on the front steps. He said something like "Mi Mater, tu (something like Dear Mother, are you alright or will you die of lack of breath?)" All in fluent Latin without a pause of course. I understood him.

I replied with, "Ca va mon cher fils. Je te remerci pour avoir fait le bon tour. Tu cours comme un guepard. C'est merveleux." He understood me.

It took a moment's pause to realize that we're doing this all the time now. Vee will say, "Ita" and I know he's saying, "Yes", or more technically, "It is so", since those wacky Romans had no word for "Yes". (No, I'm not kidding.) I think, although I am not certain, that he is speaking Latin more than English on most days.

So, they say that communicating with teens is difficult... Um... I don't know how to answer that... Yes? No? It depends on what language you're speaking?

I hope they always love language as much as they do now. They play with words instead of toys. Cool, huh?

My favorite birthday

2008-06-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

I love birthdays... Here's how I ended up celebrating mine.

Starting on Friday, I took off for a writing weekend, going to a gorgeous hotel (Marriott) in a random location in No Cal. It was so deeply satisfying to hammer out the bulk of the book. My Mom & Dad sent birthday get-whatever-you-like money & it covered the entire weekend. Woot! Thanks Mom & Dad!

Eee, Aee, and Jee came to visit me at the hotel for a great swim session. I worked out every morning & evening in the hotel's gym. The hot tub relaxed sore muscles from sitting at the keyboard too long.

On the way home from the hotel, I got a bit more writing time at our downtown public library, something I rarely enjoy alone.

Thanks to Audible, I got a fantastic book: "Look Me in the Eye" which I enjoyed on my iPod all weekend while walking around town, working out, and every non-typing moment.

The day of my B-day, I woke up early (see previous post) so that I could get my teens to school on time for their finals which they were very well prepared for (a present in & of itself).

Eee took the day off work -- HUGE present, by far the best one.

We looked for storefronts most of the day, found three we liked, eliminated one.

I got footrubs, backrubs, neckrubs, all sorts of luxurious pampering throughout the weekend.

I had my favorite type of sushi for lunch -- California roll, along with fresh peaches, oranges, and raspberries (raspberries!) from my favorite Farmer's Market.

I got to take my kids & their friends to their karate class. I love karate time.

Eee baked cupcakes himself last night. How sweet! He was up until two or three I think. What dedication.

I got calls from friends & family. My favorite was Eee's parents in St. Maarten (is that the island they're on?) singing "Happy Birthday" in English & French "Bonne Anniversaire".

Eee made a scrumptious dinner, Tuna Patty Melts, and I got to open my b-day presents: a bunch of books, some kitchen stuff, an air diffuser, and a hat that Kee knit for me himself (so cool!!). I'm the luckiest mom alive.

After present opening, I zoomed off to the YMCA and got in a ridiculously tough workout, a 60 min class with a masochistic teacher. It's gonna hurt tomorrow.

The minute the class was over, I ran back to the car for a night out with girlfriends (but showered first so I wouldn't stink!)

Next, I ran home to make sure the wee ones were asleep. They weren't, so I snuggled with one until the deep sleepy breath started, then snuggled with the other.

THEN, I zoomed over to a friend's house and borrowed what she had just said was her favorite movie. I saw the first 15 min of it then it got too scary.

Little Miss Woosey is now blogging about her wonderful birthday! I have never been so psyched about the upcoming year. This is guaranteed to be the best year yet.

Crazy sleepy fish

2008-06-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a videotape of this...

To wake up in the mornings, I set my alarm on my watch which is --always-- attached to my wrist. This morning the alarm went off and I startled to the left. My hand flopped over to the other side of my body. Brrring. It goes off again and I startle to the right. Back and forth, flopping like a sleeping fish, not making the connection between the noise and my own wrist.

After a bit of "Wha...?" zzz "Wha...?" flopping, I *finally* gained enough consciousness to realize what an idiot I was, not realizing that the noise was coming from my own wrist. Ha!

I love mornings. Really. I do.

Payback time! Teenagers

2008-06-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

I got a minute to talk with a friend today and the comment was floated, "Oh, the teenage years are going to be so tough..."

I pushed back, "Nuh uh! The teenage years are the best... payback time."

Here's the rest of what I said. Imagine me getting really passionate and preachy.

Teenage years are the best part of raising kids -- it is when you see all your hard work pay off. They know how to cook, clean, and (gasp!) take care of themselves and (double gasp!) even take care of others.

My friend looked a bit quizzical at this, so I gave a bit of anecdotal evidence:

* My oldest says several times a day, every day, "Can I help?" The three coolest words I have ever heard besides "I love you".

* My 2nd oldest makes Belgian waffles on Sat & Sun mornings. I wake up to the smell of fresh baked, ultra high-quality waffles with fresh fruit and homemade whip cream... Get this: he even grinds fresh powdered sugar to go in the homemade whip cream. No pre-ground powdered sugar for us. Nuh uh. Only the best.

* My oldest will do the worst chores, simply because he knows that it would help others and that's more important than his disgust over ___ (fill in the blank with the nastiest chore you can think of).

* My 2nd oldest keeps us all on time & on schedule. He has this way of nudging us gently and kindly towards the door when we're having time getting to ___ (fill in the activity du jour) in time.

At this point I could see she was satisfied that what I qualified as "payback" was really, truly payback for all the diapers, laundry, and 1,003 other chores that make up childhood / parenthood.

She is a good mother, loves her children deeply, adores them really and is a fantastic role model for her girls. Trying to work through this "payback" concept she asked, "But all my friends with teenagers say it's so tough, that teenagers really difficult and that they can't wait until the kids are grown and gone."

My blood boiled at that.

Boiled, I tell you.

And I had the perfect comment. You know how sometimes you have the perfect comment? The world feels balanced in those moments, like the final puzzle piece has just been handed to you.

In this situation, the mother is a fantastic, attentive, compassionate mother focused on what was best for her kids, but she had heard the standard horror stories about teenagers. When she said, "...they're really difficult..." I could see a sadness in her eyes at the impending trauma.

So, the perfect comment was (drumroll please):

"Well, you get what you expect."

It was so awesome! Her eyes lit up and she bent down to her eldest and said, "Hey, so when you're a teenager, you're going to be good and kind and help out around the house and make Belgian waffles for us all on Saturday mornings?"

It was so awesome! Her little daughter looked up at her with a little, "Of course!"

So, I went home and told Vee and Kee, "Hey, you shifted the future path of an entire family today! How about that!"

My favorite desserts

2008-06-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

Granola

Blueberry museli

Raisin bran

Grapenuts with brown sugar

A bowl of strawberries and bananas mixed together and let sit for a minute

An apple and cheese

A peanut butter sandwich with banana slices and nuts

An oatmeal raisin cookie

A waffle with applesauce in the holes and whipped cream on top

Jello, but just to play with, not to eat

A cup of herbal tea with extra creamer

Raspberries, plain. Blackberries, plain. Any berries, plain.

A peach that drips down my chin.

My all time favorite: Odwalla Serious Focus blueberry plus other goodies drink.

Divine!

I am so hungry right now...

Random Location

2008-06-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

I am spending the weekend writing another book, holed up in a hotel in a random location in No Cal. All I remember is that it is a Marriott somewhere east of home. I followed the directions then put it out of my mind. The room is nice and the work is going quickly, but one problem...

What happened to the American diet?

There are all sorts of restaurants near the hotel: Panda Express, Brick Oven, Jamba Juice, an Asian place, a Greek place, Chipotle, a Fatburger, but NONE of them have anything resembling a healthy meal. Even the Boston Market across the street has food items that barely resemble their original form.

Where are the salads, zucchini, green beans, red peppers (ok, there are red peppers at a lot of these places), the *vegetables* that are supposed to make up the core of our food intake?

What I would give for a good, crispy carrot right now. Sigh. In the static RAM of my childhood memories, I recall walking across the lawn to the garden, through the rows to the carrots, yanking up a few, washing them off under the spigot and...

*crunch*

They tasted so good! What I would give for a real carrot right now.

How am I supposed to think clearly, let alone write well, on processed food? =/

Geeks on Skateboards

2008-06-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

A dear friend gave me her long board (looks almost like a surfboard with wheels) and we have been skateboarding to & from school.

I feel so dang cool when I carry that board around town.

I don't look so cool when I actually try to ride it.

I actually look like a geek with markedly bad balance.

But little Jee sure looks cool. A friend of the family had his skateboard with him the other day and he showed Jee the basic steps to getting comfortable on a board. Jee's little face lit up and I could see him itching to do more. With that little spark of initial skateboard contact (on a *real* board), he hasn't stopped talking about it. Last weekend, we got Jee his own board, a *real* board, and now he is signed up for a summer skateboarding class so he can learn tricks and make some boarding buddies.

On Sunday we walked & boarded to church with Jee on his board (occasionally snitched by Vee and Kee) and Aee + a big person on the long board. Aee sits up front while someone else sits or stands behind. I'll email you pics if you like, just ping me through email. Both Vee and Kee got a bit of time on both boards and it helped them loosen up their legs. They both look natural on a board (except for the pasty white skin, the geekish appeal, and the markedly bad balance inherited from yours truly). Perfectly natural. Oh yeah.

It was so funny. I couldn't get the phrase "Geeks on boards" out of my mind through the entire walk (and it's a long walk).

What do you want for your birthday?

2008-06-05T12:17:00.001-07:00

My birthday is coming up and we're celebrating it this weekend to avoid bumping into Father's Day and the School's Out craziness later this month.

So, this is a fairly important birthday. As is our family tradition, we will be celebrating all weekend. This one is unique because I am just starting to realize that I don't have much of my 30s left. I want to make this birthday a good one, a memorable one.

I have tossed around all sorts of fun ideas, but at my core, that innermost part of me that says, "I want..." (or in this case, "I need...") there is something unavoidable that is overshadowing all the other "fun" stuff.

I need a clean house.

Yes, yes, I know I posted our homecleaning habits the other day, but I mean *deep clean*, DEEP, the kind of clean where you end up buried in your box of Memorabilia from Childhood and come up a few hours later, 10 lbs lighter and full of rememberances that are so precious.

So, happy birthday to me! I get to do a spring cleaning this weekend!

Update -- I changed my mind. I realized that a clean house would only be a momentary high. I would forget about it in a few weeks, or at the current Rate of Destruction, I would forget about it by Monday when the house returned to it's normal state.

So, I chose to do something memorable that puts a stake in the ground -- spend the weekend finishing up a book I have been on contract for for many years. I won't finish it completely, but I will get it to that point where I can set it on autopilot (where my brain thinks about it during the day and I download the day's work in a short 15-20 minute burst at night).

Back to pounding out this particularly memorable weekend.

Love-a-lee Chores

2008-06-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

We hit upon a method that works for our kids -- it teaches time management, estimation, and best of all, teamwork over competition.

We work as a team, starting with one room, usually the front room. On a legal pad, I make a short list of what needs to be done:

Pick stuff up off floor
Vacuum floor
Shake out rugs
Clean windows
Dust
Clean couch
Org book shelves

Then I ask the kids, "How long do you think this will take if we all work together?" They each chime in with their time estimate:

E 10 min
C 7 min
V 15 min
K 12 min
J 9 min
A 14 min

Then we set the timer and *go for it*! Their ability to estimate time and task length has really improved. I think it may help them with project management later. If nothing else, they are learning to deal with what happens when estimates are off, w-a-y off. (For example, we always underestimate how long the office will take -- all those little corners where stuff can hide.)

There are two "awards": 1. best estimate, 2. best dedication to the task. Each award is $1 and they work pretty hard for that dollar.

Then we move on to the next room and start the process over again, improving our skills incrementally.

There is definitely an element of competition, but it is appropriately placed -- it fuels them to work harder and faster. The overall goal is the success of the team. They grab whatever cleaning task that needs to be done and when they finish that, they help someone else. Everyone needs to help everyone else. That's the best part.

So, for now, I have a method that works. Seems like this is Chore Method #143, but it is working with this particular group of kids at this particular developmental phase.

And I have a relatively clean house. It is so divinely satisfying to be able to say that at least once a week.

Lack of sweats

2008-06-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

When I was a younger, I wished that I could get out of my sweats more often. I dreamed of dressing up every day instead of pattering around in sweat pants day after day after casual day.

Over the years, my closet has changed.

Drastically.

Thanks to an unusually hectic morning, I had my "morning" shower mid-day. This prompted an atypical desire for a comfy pair of sweats to tide me over until a meeting later. I looked in my closet (which is literally two feet wide) and realized... gasp! I don't own any sweats.

I actually don't own a single pair of sweats.

Hallelujah!

Care for my own

2008-05-31T12:29:00.000-07:00

We have been debated (heartily) over whether or not to hire a housekeeper. We would dearly love to, but we're at the tipping point between:

* whether it's good for the kids to learn basic household upkeep tasks (and there's a lot to learn & learning it well requires years of repetition)

* whether it's distracting us from more important tasks.

The current line of thought is this: A housekeeper is approx $500/mo. A ticket for a cruise is about $1,000. Two months of doing our own housework buys one ticket. A year's worth of doing our own housework buys us six tickets, enough for the whole family. It is a highly motivated thought for the kids (and for me!) so for now we're doing our own chores.

I'll blog about the How later on today... Stay tuned.

Favorite Phrase

2008-05-27T14:22:00.001-07:00

My favorite phrase in the world:

"Can I help?"

The Legacy Walk

2008-05-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

There is one particularly meaningful tree-lined street in Berkeley where the trees reach out high above your head. The foliage is lush and the stately houses represent the archetypical home-as-nest. In particular, the trees give the road an other-worldly feel and time stops for me every time I am on this street.

I first walked this street with a friend from my church -- she is a few decades older than me but she is faster, wiser, and far more knowledgeable. Walking with her is like walking with a tour guide who would make you milk and cookies afterwards. I adore her.

The first time I walked with her, she showed me streets I had never seen before. One particular street has now become our own personal "Legacy Road". While my friend didn't suggest the following activity, her views influenced it.

Here's how the Legacy Road works (with the background thrown in for flavor): A few months ago, we were having a fuzzy, directionless Sunday, so I asked the rest of the family to watch themselves (please) because "I need to show Kee his legacy." This confused them long enough to let me slip out the door with Kee in tow. Kee is 15 yo, old enough and wise enough to sense that his Mama had something bizarre up her sleeve. I had "that look" in my eye.

We went to Legacy Road (Mariposa, one block E of Shattuck, near the top of Solano) and positioned ourselves at the southwest corner of the street. (It has to start on that particular spot). I turned Kee to face "up" the road, looking forward at the massive expanse of foliage, surrounded by homes of prestige and elegance. His eyes widened and I said:

"This is your life, my son. The road symbolizes the span of your lifetime. You start here, with this first step, and at the end of the road, you die. But first, tell me about your childhood... What do you remember?"

He started with his first memories, then elementary, middle, high school. As a concrete metaphor, we noted the trees, their age and beauty, how they had been pruned (just as he had in his life) and noted that every tree, even though it had been given identical care as its neighbor, had grown differently. Choice. It's all about choice. He reflected on his many choices and naturally began to evaluate his past.

When we got to the north end of Mariposa, he gave me a nervous look, "What did you say about dying at the end of the road?"

I laughed. Whoops. "This is a metaphor honey. Let's cross the street. You die at the end, when we have made a full circle. Up one side of the street and down the other. Past (gesturing to the direction we had come) and future (gesturing to the other side of the street). You just walked your past. Now you're crossing through the present moment to your future."

As we crossed the street, he had a wild little smile on his face. He stood at the upper end of the tree-lined street with his jaw slightly dropped, realizing that his entire life was ahead of him, in extreme, concrete terms, it was HIS to choose. We began talking about what he might want at 16, 20, 25, 30... Where he wanted to travel; what he wanted in an eternal mate; what type of house he wanted to own; what type of job... all the visions and dreams were beginning to bud. He was embracing the expansive richness of his future. The trees were so perfectly symbolic -- their thick trunks and sturdy branches.

He thought most carefully about the career choices. His focus was on: "How can I contribute most meaningfully?" and "What can I do that would generate the most lasting personal joy?"

I didn't give any answers -- just kept him on topic.

The questions shifted to, "What about when you're 35, 40, 45, 50...?" inconceivable ages for teenagers. His eyes showed a glimmer of understanding that life is much, much longer than he originally thought. It was like unrolling a ball of yarn. Each step he took, took him closer to "being EOL" (end of life, a term used in the computer hardware industry) There was an end. Gasp.

His steps slowed. The steps he had walked so quickly (childhood, early adulthood) now seemed more precious, more important and I could tell he wished that he would have gone just a little slower.

And then we got to "the spot". On the ground in front of one particularly beautiful home near the end of the east side of the street is painted on the sidewalk: "The Legacy". Someone must have painted it there a long time ago. Who knows why? I stopped; he froze.

I asked, "What will be your legacy? What will you leave behind?"

His hair shifted as he looked back up the road, the realization dawning that he had only a limited amount of time to build a life. His smile was golden.

I haven't walked Legacy Road for myself yet, but I took my eldest to walk it after his PatB and I took my husband to walk it today. It is such an awe-inspiring experience.

My favorite part is seeing that little flicker of expression that says, "Walk slower."

Walk slower...

Bike to Work

2008-05-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Bike to Work day in the Bay (in the US? world? I have no idea). Eee was able to get his bike out and hooked up to the tandem so Aee could ride behind him with her wild hair trailing and her little voice yelling, "Faster, Daddy! Faster!". Jee was on his own bike, fully capable of a full day's ride, looking all four ways at each intersection, so competent.

Mee? My bike is locked to the trampoline and I can't find the key.

So, since I'm not a sissy, I ran alongside the bikes, panting like a dog, trying to keep up. The entire time I'm wondering if it's worse to be a sissy or an out-of-breath, stinky dog?

We crossed paths with a guy from church, an exceptionally physically fit guy who wasn't even breaking a sweat even though it was 98 degrees already (actually, it only felt like 98). He smiled and was polite.

But wow, my legs were aching. Last night I went on a long run with Sum 41, Chuck album blasting on my iPod which makes me run far faster than my body would naturally allow. When I pulled into the homestretch, Vee came out of the house and bellowed, "Mom, let's go for a run!" He had just gotten home and needed to stretch his legs.

Of course, I eeked out a, "Sure!"

What an idiot. I am so sore.

So, I did Round 2, running the loop, well, half the loop since Vee noticed my face was an odd combination of purple and white. But we still did the homestretch sprint and it felt great.

Then the next morning I got a good run in... and tonight I'll surely go for one again since I'll already be so sweaty from this heat wave that I won't care if I get even slimier.

So why don't I look like a runner yet??

One of life's mysteries, I guess. A cruel one, though.

The Bliss of Good Grades

2008-05-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

There is something so sweet about doing well on a test. Some of Vee's test scores came back from one of many, many tests he has taken lately and he got 100% accuracy in several in sub-subjects. (Try saying "sub-subjects" 10x fast.)

My favorite score? 100% in Literary Response & Analysis.

For those of you who know us and know where we have been and the road we have travelled, you will fully appreciate the depth of my gratitude in that particular score.

And yes, I understand that grades don't always measure ability accurately, but I know that this guy can dig deep into literature and find the treasures. I know because I talk to him about the books he reads and I see how he responds to text. I'm proud of his ability. It is highly rewarding to see my beliefs confirmed.

Vocab Dev

2008-05-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, Jee was in the process of trying to rehang his calendar on the wall and I suppose he needed a nail, but he asked...

"Mom, can you get me a lock poker?"

"What?"

"A lock poker."

(befuddled look on my face)

"A lock poker! A thing that you poke in the door lock to unlock it. You know!"

Oh... why didn't he ask for "a nail"? Note for those who don't live in our home: we use regular hammer-it-into-the-wall nails to open doors. No fancy pantsy lock picks for us.

What I thought odd was that he defined that particular object by its most common use in his view of the world. Nails were designed first and foremost to pick locks.

He also understood the difference between "pick" and "poke". You don't really pick at the lock; that's a task better fitted for the fingers. You poke at the lock mechanism clumsily with the sharp end of the nail. Lock poker.

Funny how vocabulary develops.

Scary. Bagels.

2008-05-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

We biked to the bagel bakery early this morning to get some of the best bagels on the west coast.

Yum.

Switch gears. You know when you're on a bike and you pedal as hard as you can, so fast that it feels like your feet will fly off if you pedal any faster? Well, imagine pedalling that fast on a stretch of open road and (drumroll please) my son is running alongside me.

The scary part is that his sprint is the same mph as my pedal-as-fast-as-I-can. How awesome! A little scary too. Either I'm a slug or he's a cheetah. Or somewhere inbetween.

How to get your kids to do stuff

2008-05-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

I just found such a great way to get the kids to do things that they need to do, but don't necessarily want to do:

"This is what SMART people do..."

Oh boy, they love it. They're eating broccoli, taking care of their chores, cleaning out the car, all because smart people eat broccoli for the B vitamins; do their chores for the fringe benefits of having a clean home; clean out the car, well, because, that's what smart people do! Who knew they respected intelligence so much?

Maybe they respect it because it's in such short supply?

Hum...