I got a minute to talk with a friend today and the comment was floated, "Oh, the teenage years are going to be so tough..."
I pushed back, "Nuh uh! The teenage years are the best... payback time."
Here's the rest of what I said. Imagine me getting really passionate and preachy.
Teenage years are the best part of raising kids -- it is when you see all your hard work pay off. They know how to cook, clean, and (gasp!) take care of themselves and (double gasp!) even take care of others.
My friend looked a bit quizzical at this, so I gave a bit of anecdotal evidence:
* My oldest says several times a day, every day, "Can I help?" The three coolest words I have ever heard besides "I love you".
* My 2nd oldest makes Belgian waffles on Sat & Sun mornings. I wake up to the smell of fresh baked, ultra high-quality waffles with fresh fruit and homemade whip cream... Get this: he even grinds fresh powdered sugar to go in the homemade whip cream. No pre-ground powdered sugar for us. Nuh uh. Only the best.
* My oldest will do the worst chores, simply because he knows that it would help others and that's more important than his disgust over ___ (fill in the blank with the nastiest chore you can think of).
* My 2nd oldest keeps us all on time & on schedule. He has this way of nudging us gently and kindly towards the door when we're having time getting to ___ (fill in the activity du jour) in time.
At this point I could see she was satisfied that what I qualified as "payback" was really, truly payback for all the diapers, laundry, and 1,003 other chores that make up childhood / parenthood.
She is a good mother, loves her children deeply, adores them really and is a fantastic role model for her girls. Trying to work through this "payback" concept she asked, "But all my friends with teenagers say it's so tough, that teenagers really difficult and that they can't wait until the kids are grown and gone."
My blood boiled at that.
Boiled, I tell you.
And I had the perfect comment. You know how sometimes you have the perfect comment? The world feels balanced in those moments, like the final puzzle piece has just been handed to you.
In this situation, the mother is a fantastic, attentive, compassionate mother focused on what was best for her kids, but she had heard the standard horror stories about teenagers. When she said, "...they're really difficult..." I could see a sadness in her eyes at the impending trauma.
So, the perfect comment was (drumroll please):
"Well, you get what you expect."
It was so awesome! Her eyes lit up and she bent down to her eldest and said, "Hey, so when you're a teenager, you're going to be good and kind and help out around the house and make Belgian waffles for us all on Saturday mornings?"
It was so awesome! Her little daughter looked up at her with a little, "Of course!"
So, I went home and told Vee and Kee, "Hey, you shifted the future path of an entire family today! How about that!"
Monday, June 9, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
My favorite desserts
Granola
Blueberry museli
Raisin bran
Grapenuts with brown sugar
A bowl of strawberries and bananas mixed together and let sit for a minute
An apple and cheese
A peanut butter sandwich with banana slices and nuts
An oatmeal raisin cookie
A waffle with applesauce in the holes and whipped cream on top
Jello, but just to play with, not to eat
A cup of herbal tea with extra creamer
Raspberries, plain. Blackberries, plain. Any berries, plain.
A peach that drips down my chin.
My all time favorite: Odwalla Serious Focus blueberry plus other goodies drink.
Divine!
I am so hungry right now...
Blueberry museli
Raisin bran
Grapenuts with brown sugar
A bowl of strawberries and bananas mixed together and let sit for a minute
An apple and cheese
A peanut butter sandwich with banana slices and nuts
An oatmeal raisin cookie
A waffle with applesauce in the holes and whipped cream on top
Jello, but just to play with, not to eat
A cup of herbal tea with extra creamer
Raspberries, plain. Blackberries, plain. Any berries, plain.
A peach that drips down my chin.
My all time favorite: Odwalla Serious Focus blueberry plus other goodies drink.
Divine!
I am so hungry right now...
Random Location
I am spending the weekend writing another book, holed up in a hotel in a random location in No Cal. All I remember is that it is a Marriott somewhere east of home. I followed the directions then put it out of my mind. The room is nice and the work is going quickly, but one problem...
What happened to the American diet?
There are all sorts of restaurants near the hotel: Panda Express, Brick Oven, Jamba Juice, an Asian place, a Greek place, Chipotle, a Fatburger, but NONE of them have anything resembling a healthy meal. Even the Boston Market across the street has food items that barely resemble their original form.
Where are the salads, zucchini, green beans, red peppers (ok, there are red peppers at a lot of these places), the *vegetables* that are supposed to make up the core of our food intake?
What I would give for a good, crispy carrot right now. Sigh. In the static RAM of my childhood memories, I recall walking across the lawn to the garden, through the rows to the carrots, yanking up a few, washing them off under the spigot and...
*crunch*
They tasted so good! What I would give for a real carrot right now.
How am I supposed to think clearly, let alone write well, on processed food? =/
What happened to the American diet?
There are all sorts of restaurants near the hotel: Panda Express, Brick Oven, Jamba Juice, an Asian place, a Greek place, Chipotle, a Fatburger, but NONE of them have anything resembling a healthy meal. Even the Boston Market across the street has food items that barely resemble their original form.
Where are the salads, zucchini, green beans, red peppers (ok, there are red peppers at a lot of these places), the *vegetables* that are supposed to make up the core of our food intake?
What I would give for a good, crispy carrot right now. Sigh. In the static RAM of my childhood memories, I recall walking across the lawn to the garden, through the rows to the carrots, yanking up a few, washing them off under the spigot and...
*crunch*
They tasted so good! What I would give for a real carrot right now.
How am I supposed to think clearly, let alone write well, on processed food? =/
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Geeks on Skateboards
A dear friend gave me her long board (looks almost like a surfboard with wheels) and we have been skateboarding to & from school.
I feel so dang cool when I carry that board around town.
I don't look so cool when I actually try to ride it.
I actually look like a geek with markedly bad balance.
But little Jee sure looks cool. A friend of the family had his skateboard with him the other day and he showed Jee the basic steps to getting comfortable on a board. Jee's little face lit up and I could see him itching to do more. With that little spark of initial skateboard contact (on a *real* board), he hasn't stopped talking about it. Last weekend, we got Jee his own board, a *real* board, and now he is signed up for a summer skateboarding class so he can learn tricks and make some boarding buddies.
On Sunday we walked & boarded to church with Jee on his board (occasionally snitched by Vee and Kee) and Aee + a big person on the long board. Aee sits up front while someone else sits or stands behind. I'll email you pics if you like, just ping me through email. Both Vee and Kee got a bit of time on both boards and it helped them loosen up their legs. They both look natural on a board (except for the pasty white skin, the geekish appeal, and the markedly bad balance inherited from yours truly). Perfectly natural. Oh yeah.
It was so funny. I couldn't get the phrase "Geeks on boards" out of my mind through the entire walk (and it's a long walk).
I feel so dang cool when I carry that board around town.
I don't look so cool when I actually try to ride it.
I actually look like a geek with markedly bad balance.
But little Jee sure looks cool. A friend of the family had his skateboard with him the other day and he showed Jee the basic steps to getting comfortable on a board. Jee's little face lit up and I could see him itching to do more. With that little spark of initial skateboard contact (on a *real* board), he hasn't stopped talking about it. Last weekend, we got Jee his own board, a *real* board, and now he is signed up for a summer skateboarding class so he can learn tricks and make some boarding buddies.
On Sunday we walked & boarded to church with Jee on his board (occasionally snitched by Vee and Kee) and Aee + a big person on the long board. Aee sits up front while someone else sits or stands behind. I'll email you pics if you like, just ping me through email. Both Vee and Kee got a bit of time on both boards and it helped them loosen up their legs. They both look natural on a board (except for the pasty white skin, the geekish appeal, and the markedly bad balance inherited from yours truly). Perfectly natural. Oh yeah.
It was so funny. I couldn't get the phrase "Geeks on boards" out of my mind through the entire walk (and it's a long walk).
What do you want for *your* birthday?
My birthday is coming up and we're celebrating it this weekend to avoid bumping into Father's Day and the School's Out craziness later this month.
So, this is a fairly important birthday. As is our family tradition, we will be celebrating all weekend. This one is unique because I am just starting to realize that I don't have much of my 30s left. I want to make this birthday a good one, a memorable one.
I have tossed around all sorts of fun ideas, but at my core, that innermost part of me that says, "I want..." (or in this case, "I need...") there is something unavoidable that is overshadowing all the other "fun" stuff.
I need a clean house.
Yes, yes, I know I posted our homecleaning habits the other day, but I mean *deep clean*, DEEP, the kind of clean where you end up buried in your box of Memorabilia from Childhood and come up a few hours later, 10 lbs lighter and full of rememberances that are so precious.
So, happy birthday to me! I get to do a spring cleaning this weekend!
Update -- I changed my mind. I realized that a clean house would only be a momentary high. I would forget about it in a few weeks, or at the current Rate of Destruction, I would forget about it by Monday when the house returned to it's normal state.
So, I chose to do something memorable that puts a stake in the ground -- spend the weekend finishing up a book I have been on contract for for many years. I won't finish it completely, but I will get it to that point where I can set it on autopilot (where my brain thinks about it during the day and I download the day's work in a short 15-20 minute burst at night).
Back to pounding out this particularly memorable weekend.
So, this is a fairly important birthday. As is our family tradition, we will be celebrating all weekend. This one is unique because I am just starting to realize that I don't have much of my 30s left. I want to make this birthday a good one, a memorable one.
I have tossed around all sorts of fun ideas, but at my core, that innermost part of me that says, "I want..." (or in this case, "I need...") there is something unavoidable that is overshadowing all the other "fun" stuff.
I need a clean house.
Yes, yes, I know I posted our homecleaning habits the other day, but I mean *deep clean*, DEEP, the kind of clean where you end up buried in your box of Memorabilia from Childhood and come up a few hours later, 10 lbs lighter and full of rememberances that are so precious.
So, happy birthday to me! I get to do a spring cleaning this weekend!
Update -- I changed my mind. I realized that a clean house would only be a momentary high. I would forget about it in a few weeks, or at the current Rate of Destruction, I would forget about it by Monday when the house returned to it's normal state.
So, I chose to do something memorable that puts a stake in the ground -- spend the weekend finishing up a book I have been on contract for for many years. I won't finish it completely, but I will get it to that point where I can set it on autopilot (where my brain thinks about it during the day and I download the day's work in a short 15-20 minute burst at night).
Back to pounding out this particularly memorable weekend.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Love-a-lee Chores
We hit upon a method that works for our kids -- it teaches time management, estimation, and best of all, teamwork over competition.
We work as a team, starting with one room, usually the front room. On a legal pad, I make a short list of what needs to be done:
Pick stuff up off floor
Vacuum floor
Shake out rugs
Clean windows
Dust
Clean couch
Org book shelves
Then I ask the kids, "How long do you think this will take if we all work together?" They each chime in with their time estimate:
E 10 min
C 7 min
V 15 min
K 12 min
J 9 min
A 14 min
Then we set the timer and *go for it*! Their ability to estimate time and task length has really improved. I think it may help them with project management later. If nothing else, they are learning to deal with what happens when estimates are off, w-a-y off. (For example, we always underestimate how long the office will take -- all those little corners where stuff can hide.)
There are two "awards": 1. best estimate, 2. best dedication to the task. Each award is $1 and they work pretty hard for that dollar.
Then we move on to the next room and start the process over again, improving our skills incrementally.
There is definitely an element of competition, but it is appropriately placed -- it fuels them to work harder and faster. The overall goal is the success of the team. They grab whatever cleaning task that needs to be done and when they finish that, they help someone else. Everyone needs to help everyone else. That's the best part.
So, for now, I have a method that works. Seems like this is Chore Method #143, but it is working with this particular group of kids at this particular developmental phase.
And I have a relatively clean house. It is so divinely satisfying to be able to say that at least once a week.
We work as a team, starting with one room, usually the front room. On a legal pad, I make a short list of what needs to be done:
Pick stuff up off floor
Vacuum floor
Shake out rugs
Clean windows
Dust
Clean couch
Org book shelves
Then I ask the kids, "How long do you think this will take if we all work together?" They each chime in with their time estimate:
E 10 min
C 7 min
V 15 min
K 12 min
J 9 min
A 14 min
Then we set the timer and *go for it*! Their ability to estimate time and task length has really improved. I think it may help them with project management later. If nothing else, they are learning to deal with what happens when estimates are off, w-a-y off. (For example, we always underestimate how long the office will take -- all those little corners where stuff can hide.)
There are two "awards": 1. best estimate, 2. best dedication to the task. Each award is $1 and they work pretty hard for that dollar.
Then we move on to the next room and start the process over again, improving our skills incrementally.
There is definitely an element of competition, but it is appropriately placed -- it fuels them to work harder and faster. The overall goal is the success of the team. They grab whatever cleaning task that needs to be done and when they finish that, they help someone else. Everyone needs to help everyone else. That's the best part.
So, for now, I have a method that works. Seems like this is Chore Method #143, but it is working with this particular group of kids at this particular developmental phase.
And I have a relatively clean house. It is so divinely satisfying to be able to say that at least once a week.
Lack of sweats
When I was a younger, I wished that I could get out of my sweats more often. I dreamed of dressing up every day instead of pattering around in sweat pants day after day after casual day.
Over the years, my closet has changed.
Drastically.
Thanks to an unusually hectic morning, I had my "morning" shower mid-day. This prompted an atypical desire for a comfy pair of sweats to tide me over until a meeting later. I looked in my closet (which is literally two feet wide) and realized... gasp! I don't own any sweats.
I actually don't own a single pair of sweats.
Hallelujah!
Over the years, my closet has changed.
Drastically.
Thanks to an unusually hectic morning, I had my "morning" shower mid-day. This prompted an atypical desire for a comfy pair of sweats to tide me over until a meeting later. I looked in my closet (which is literally two feet wide) and realized... gasp! I don't own any sweats.
I actually don't own a single pair of sweats.
Hallelujah!
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