Monday, January 7, 2008

Why do I do that?

Why do I make the kid's lunches the night before? Why do I make sure their clothes are set out and they are all showered or bathed before going to bed? Why, why, o, why would I do that?

Because I'm a neurotic control freak?


But it's more likely that in the morning, despite having "plenty of time" at my disposal to make lunches and verify that none of the children are leaving the house partially naked (because, of course, if the shirt you were going to wear isn't available, then, well, naked is the next option), instead of following my well-laid plan for the morning routine, I'll be dealing with:

* teenager not feeling so hot, can't bike to school, needs transport during the time when I should have been packing those lunches

* little one is struck with a desperate need for "ma chere maman"

* husband's car is not in front of the house where he last parked it. Dude, where's his car? Stolen. Again.

Despite my best plan, there are always monkey wrenches jiggling around. I had a friend ask me sincerely, several times, "Why do you write schedules if you know through experience that you will rarely follow those plans?"

Good question, my friend, good question.

Because writing plans is my way of grasping and regrasing my current realities and ability levels. It's awesome to see how those schedules have matured alongside me. I have had years of unrealistic schedules, lazy schedules, hyper schedules, focused ones and unfocused ones. I'm finally learning why I schedule -- for peace of mind.

I pack those lunches because I know what a great feeling it is to get to snuggle with Aee when she asks, even during a busy time. It's awesome. There's nothing like it. There's only one word for it: Payback.

I earned that hug.